Friends S01E04

Oh, that's good.

Okay. All right, Phoebe? Okay, okay.

If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace

no more hunger, good things for the rain forest

And bigger boobs

Well, see, you took mine, so

Chandler, what about you?

If I were omnipotent for a day, I'd make myself omnipotent forever

See, there's always one guy

"If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes."“

Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy

What would you do if you were omnipotent?

Probably kill myself

Excuse me?

Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live, you know?

Joey, uh, omnipotent.

You are?

Ross, I'm...I had no idea. I thought it was like a theoretical pleasure

Friends S01E04: The One with George Stephanopoulos《

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear

When it hasn't been your day,

your week, your month, or even your year

but I'll be there for you

When the rain starts to pour

I'll be there for you

Like I've been there before

I'll be there for you

'Cause you're there for me too

Central Perk

How does she do that?

I cannot sleep in a public place.

Libraries,aiplanes, movie theaters

When you were little, you slpet in the Grand Cayon

Hello, Mom and Dad never took us to the Grand Cayon

Mom and Dad took us to the Grand Cayon？

Would you look at her?

She's so peaceful. Yeah.

What? What? Hi.

It's okay, you know. You just nodded off again.

Oh. What's going on with you?

I got no sleep last night. Why?

My grandmother has this new boyfriend

...and they're both kind of insecure in bed, so

And deaf

So they're constantly having to reassure each other that they're having a good time.

You have no idea how loud they are.

You can stay with Rachel and me tonight. Thanks

Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven.95，96， 97

See, I told you. Less than 100 steps from our place to here.

You got way too much free time, man.

Hey, there's the birthday boy.

Ross, check it out. Hockey tickets.

Rangers-Penguins tonight at the Garden. We're taking you.

Happy birthday, pal. We love you, man.

It's funny, my birthday was seven months ago.

So? So I'm guessing you had an extra ticket

...and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date? Huh?

Well, aren't we Mr. The-Glass-is-Half-Empty?

Oh, my God. Oh.

Is today the 20th? October 20th?

I was hoping you wouldn't remember

What's wrong with the 20th?

Eleven days before Halloween? All the good costumes are gone?

Today's the day Carol and I...

...first consummated...

...our physical relationship.

***.

You told your sister that?

Believe me, I told everyone

You know what? I better pass on the game.

I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.

The hell with hockey. Let's all do that.

Come on, Ross. You, me, Joey, ice?

Guys' night out? Come on, what do you say, big guy?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

What are you doing? I have no idea.

Come on, Ross.

All right, all right. Maybe it will take my mind off it.

You promise to buy me a big foam finger? JOEY: You got it.

All right. Look, look, look. My first paycheck.

Look at the window. There's my name. Hi, me.

I remember the day I got my first paycheck.

There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.

Wow, you worked in a mine?

No, I worked at a Dairy Queen. Why?

[04:44.21]God, isn't this exciting? I earned this.

I wiped tables for it. I steamed milk for it.

And it was totally...not worth it.

Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

I mean, what...? Chandler, look at that.

Oh, this is not that bad.

Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.

You can totally, totally live on this. MONICA: Oh, yeah, yeah.

By the way, great service today.

Ooh. Oh, yeah.

Hockey. Hockey.

Rachel?

Oh, my God!

I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.

What are you guys doing here?

Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here...

...and it's true.

Yeah.

Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.

God, look at you. You are so big. I can't believe it.

I know, I know. I'm a duplex.

You look phenomenal.I mean, you've lost like a ton of weight

Really really.It's time to stop You look perfect

Anyway.So, what's going on with you?

Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm.

And while we're on the subject of news...

Look, look. I have elbows.

Passes it up to Leetch.

Leetch spots Messier in the crease. Here's the pass.

Oh. Oh.We'll take a time-out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes.

Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we first...

you know

In fact, she, uh...

She never took them off. Ha, ha.

It's because we... Sorry. Sorry.

I can't believe...

What? Peach pit.

Yes, bunny?

Peach pit.

That night, we, uh, had... Peaches?

Actually, nectarines, but basically.

Could've been a peach. Then we, uh...

Then we got dressed and I walked her to...the bus stop

I'm fine.

Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's.

What? I thought we were trying to find stuff.

Oh, come on, you guys. Tell me all the dirt.

Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar.

All right, let's talk reality for a second. Okay.

When are you coming home? What?

Guys, I'm not.

Heh. Come on. This is us. I'm not.

This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job.

You know?I even do my own laundry!

I mean, this is what I'm doing now -Waitressing?

Heh. I'm not just waitressing.

I mean, I'm...I, um.

I write the specials on the specials board.

And I take the dead flowers out of the vase.

Um, oh, and sometimes Arturo lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.

Well, your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.

Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends?

Okay, how would you like some Tiki Death Punch?

What's that?

Well, it's rum and... Okay.

We thought since Phoebe's staying over we'd have a slumber party.

We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister.

Ooh, ooh. And I brought Operation.

But I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate.

But we can prep the guy.

Rach, it's the Visa-card people.

Oh, God. Ask them what they want.

Could you please tell me what this is in reference to?

Yes, hold on.

Um, they say there's been unusual activity on your account.

But I haven't used my card in weeks. That is the unusual activity.

They just wanna see if you're okay.

They wanna know if I'm okay?

Okay, they wanna know if I'm okay. Okay, let's see.

Well, let's see. The FICA guys took all my money.

Everyone I know is either getting married or getting pregnant or getting promoted...

and I'm getting coffee

And it's not even for me

So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay. Okay?

Uh, Rachel has left the building.

Can you call back? All right. Come on.

Let's play Twister.

(As for the guys)

Sorry. - Sorry, sorry, sorry

Uh oh.

What? There was ice there that night with Carol?

Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?

No, actually, I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together.

But now that you mention it, there was ice there that night.

It was the first frost.

We were... Sit. Just sit down. Sit.

You should feel great about yourself

You're doing this amazing independent thing.

Monica, what is so amazing?

I gave up like everything. And for what?

You are just like Jack.

Jack from downstairs?

No, Jack and the Beanstalk.

Ah, the other Jack. Yeah, right.

See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans.

And then he woke up and there was this big plant...

...outside of his window, full of possibilities and stuff.

And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village.

Okay, but, Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow.

I gave up an orthodontist.

Okay, I know I didn't love him, but...

Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.

But, see, it was a plan, you know? It was clear.

Everything was figured out, and now everything's just kind of like...

Flupie? Yeah.

You're not the only one. I mean,half the time we don't know where we're going

You gotta figure, at some point, it's gonna come together

and it's just gonna be "unflupie."

Yeah, like that's a word.

Okay, but, Monica, what if it doesn't come together?

Pheebs?

Well, because you just... I don't like this question.

Okay, see? See, you guys? What if we don't get magic beans?

I mean, what if all we've got are...

...beans?

Get him! Get him! Get him!

Get... Yes! You're not laughing now, are you, pal?

See buddy,that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.

Pass it. Pass it.

He's open, he's open. Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it!

Whoa. Oh. Whoa.

Hey, look, we're on that TV thing. Ooh, ooh, ooh.

I got it! Hey, hey, we got it! Hey!

Emergency Room

Excuse me.

It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar.

Well, I'm not completely satisfied.

Yeah the label promises the nutty goodness

Listen, it's kind of an emergency.

I guess you'd know that, or we'd be in the predicament room.

Hold on. Fill these out. Sit over there.

Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay?

But I'm in a lot of pain here, all right? My face is dented.

Well, you'll have to wait your turn. Well, how long do you think it'll be?

Any minute now.

Hey, listen... Ooh.

(I wake up and I start to cry)

(Ain't no hope in...)

Oh. I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.

No, you were right.

I don't have a plan.

Pizza guy.

Thank God. Food.

Phoebe? What?

Do you have a plan? I don't even have a "pla."

Hi. One mushroom, green pepper and onion?

No, no, no. That's not what we ordered.

We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.

Wait, you're not G. Stephanopoulos? No.

Did you say G. Stephanopoulos?

Yeah, this one goes across the street. I must have given him yours.

Oh, bonehead. Bonehead.

Okay you know when you do that you are only killing yourself

Wait, was this a small Mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Was he wearing a stunning blue suit? And a power tie?

No, pretty much just a towel.

Oh, God. Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God. You want me to take this back?

What? Are you nuts? We've got George Stephanopoulos'pizza.

Here. Uh, Pheebs? Yeah?

Who's George Snuffleupagus?

That's Big Bird's friend.

I see pizza.

Oh, I wanna see. Let me see. Let me see.

Hello? Who are we spying on?

You know the White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy?

The one with the great hair, ***y smile, really cute butt?

Oh, him. The little guy. Oh, I love him.

Ooh. Oh, wait. Wait, I see a woman.

Tell me it's his mother.

Definitely not his mother. Oh, no.

Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.

She's walking, she's walking.

She's going for the pizza. Hey, that's not for you, *****!

(Dr. Max to Center 456)

(Dr. Max to Center 456)

Excuse me. We've been here for over an hour...

and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in.

I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with?

Oh, come on, Dora. Don't be mad.

I know we both said some things...we didn't mean...

but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other

You know, I feel like I've lost her.

Come on, push me-No -Come on, push me

No,we're going to get into trouble

Don't be a baby.Push me, push me

Alright alright, I'm gonna push you, okay?

How about I push you like this?

Now you are gonna be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, pally wally wally

I am so very sorry. Can I sign you?

Lights still out? Yeah.

Well, maybe they're napping.

Heh. Please. They're having ***.

Shut up

So, what do you think George is like?

I think he's shy. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I think you have to draw him out

And then when you do, he's a preppy animal.

So what do you think of the guys are like?

Our guys? Yeah,our guys

Well,I don't know.I feel funny talking about that

Oh come on. Okay,well.I think Joey's like one of those little kiddy rides in front of a supermarket

You just have to put the quarter in and it just goes

I don't know.I think he might surprise you

One time,he was helping me put on my coat and he was really tender

Come on,baby,come on. Let's go...Yes!

Chandler is hard to read.

He is like one of those repressed guys who you would have to seduce

I think it's a part of an act

I have a feeling that Chandler is a lot more sophisticated than he seems

You know who is kind of ***y?

Don't-Ross -No, guys, please, he is my brother

I know what exactly what you mean.He can be really smooth

Can'y you just picture him in bed.-I really don't want to

Come on, laugh, laugh

I remember the moonlight coming in through the open window...

...and her face had the most incredible glow

Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling.

You did this part

Could I get some painkillers over here, please?

He's right, enough already. What is the big deal about today?

So you slept with her for the first time. So what?

You slept with her for seven years after that.

It's just a little more complicated than that.

What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women?

That she left you for a woman that likes women?

A little louder.

There's a man on the 12th floor in a coma who didn't quite hear you12

Then what?

My first time with Carol was...

Was my...-What?

It was my first......time.

With Carol?-Oh.

So in your whole life, you've only been with one?

Oh, boy. Hockey was a big mistake

There's a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight.

Okay. Okay, I got one.

Do you remember that vegetarian paté that I made that you loved so much?

Well, unless goose is a vegetable...

Okay, fine, fine.

Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley.

What? You slept with Jason? - You had already broken up.

How long? Just a couple hours.

Oh, that's nice.

Okay, okay, okay, I got one.

Anyway.

The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me.

Excuse me?

Oh, hello? Like he was really gonna send you one.

She was a big girl

Really?

Well, at least big girls don't pee in their pants in seventh grade.

I was laughing. You made me laugh.

Oh, my God. There he is. There he is. There he is.

Where? Right where we've been looking all night.

Oh, he's so cute. Oh, George, baby, drop the towel.

Come on, drop the towel. Drop the towel.

Please drop the towel. Drop it.

ALL: Wow.

Man, can you believe he's only had *** with one woman?

I think it's great.

You know, it's sweet. It's romantic.

Really?

No, are you kidding? The guy's a freak. I judge him.

Hey, man. - Hey, buddy.-Ah? Ah?

Oh.

That's attractive.

Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs.

Oh, come on, admit it, all things considered, you had fun tonight.

Fun? Where was the fun?

Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part?

Where's my puck?

Oh. The kid has it. - The kid?

Excuse me, uh, that's my puck.

I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.

You gotta do it, man.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you...

I can't do it.

Listen, uh, give me back my puck. - No.

Yes, how about? - No.

No, come here. Just give me my puck. - No, no, no.

Hey, no roughhousing in my ER.

Give me my puck! Unh.

Now, that was fun.

Okay, Monica.

Right foot, red.

Could've played Monopoly, but no.

Thanks.

Okay, Pheebs. Right hand, blue.

Good.-Ross,switch places with me.Phoebe could be your no.2- Hmm?

What?-Nothing.It's a twister thing.The rules are on the back of the box

Hello?

Oh. Rachel, it's the Visa-card people.

Oh, okay. Will you take my place?

All right. Yes, this is Rachel.

No. - Oh.

Hello?

Oh, yeah. No, I know. I haven't been using it much.

Oh, well, thanks, but I'm okay, really.

To the green, to the green.

Oh, no. - To the green.

I've got magic beans.

No, no, never mind.

To the left. To the left.

I'm fine.