Creepy Old Guy

[LYDIA:] Way back when

I was just ten

Simple and sweet

Everywhere fellas would stare

Out on the street

And I felt used

Kinda confused

I would refuse to look in their eyes

But now I really love creepy old guys!

[ALL:] We all do!

[BARBARA:] Gum disease

[DELIA:] Skin like grilled cheese

[LYDIA:] Saggy old asses!

[DELIA:] Saggy old asses!

[LYDIA:] It's cute and vile-

[DELIA & BARBARA:] "Hey baby, smile!"

[LYDIA:] To each girl that passes!

[LYDIA:] They make me blush!

[BARBARA:] Can't get enough!

[LYDIA:] Now one of 'em loves me, wants to be mine! [BARBARA AND DELIA:] That's right!

[LYDIA:] Marrying my own creepy old guy!

[BETELGEUSE:] I'm a creepy old guy!

[LYDIA:] My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy

I'm so happy I could cry!

[BARBARA & DELIA:] Girls may seem disgusted, but we're actually just shy!

[LYDIA:] My creepy old groom!

[BARBARA:] Creepy old groom!

[BARBARA & LYDIA:] Play that wedding tune

[LYDIA:] Hey folks, step aside!

[BETELGEUSE:] I am older, but I'm glad I waited!

[LYDIA:] 'Cuz here comes the bride!

I am marrying my creepy old guy

[THE OTHERS:] Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy

[LYDIA:] My creepy old guy!

[THE OTHERS:] Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy!

[LYDIA:] Fix his hair, get him prepared

For Armageddon

[BARBARA:] Sure, the groom crawled out of a tomb-

[DELIA:] But hey, hey, it's a wedding!

[LYDIA:] So dim the lights

Pick up some rice

Say something nice!

It's my day to shine

I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy!

[BETELGEUSE:] It's showtime!

[BARBARA & DELIA:]Creepy old guy, creepy old guy

She's marrying a creepy old guy!

[CHARLES:] Have you guys seen "Lolita"?

This is just like that, but fine!

[THE OTHERS:] Creepy old dude, creepy old dude

Our faith has been renewed

Now love is alive!

[LYDIA:] Wave your baby girl goodbye

I am walking down the aisle

I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by

I know that on the outside he's disgusting

And even on the inside, he's disgusting

But I know that this time, I'm makin' it right (Making it right, making it right!)

[LYDIA:] With my family by my side

[BETELGEUSE:] (Oh, this is fun I don't usually dance but oh well. A dance break on an album! Amazing!)

O-M-G

Dressed to a "T"

Fancy and formal

I found me a wife

L'chaim! To life!

This is so normal!

I was ignored, but now, I'm adored!

'Cause I extorted, tortured, and lied

Give it up for my underage bride!

[THE OTHERS:] Here comes the bride, here comes the bride

God be glorified!

[ALL (INCLUDING BETELGEUSE AND LYDIA):] I can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing's alright

[LYDIA:] My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy

Doesn't he deserve a chance at life?

[BETELGEUSE:] Oh yeah, that's right! (Yeah, that's right!)

[LYDIA:] Let's make him alive!

I am marrying my creepy old guy!

[THE OTHERS:] Guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy, guy, guy!

[BETELGEUSE:] I have chills!

[ALL:] Yeah!