One Day

[RITA HANSON]

I was brought up in taffeta dresses

And taught to be pretty and precious

And spending my playtimes with plastic princesses

Who all had these bodies

Just utterly ludicrous

Minuscule waists and huge boobs and it’s

All nipple-less and no pubes

And no creases

I mean, Jesus

It’s pretty confusing

Especially at six

In that fairy tale world all the girls end up "happy ever after"

Wooing their knights in shining armor

But some nights down the track

You can bet they’ll be trapped

Spending nights in, shining armor

While their knights spend their nights at a bar

Or at a ball with some harlot

I’m not bitter

It’s just better that I don’t fall for all that

Romantic ******** now that I’m older

Although I don’t mind the thought of being tossed over a shoulder

And trotted off to a mansion

By some ruggedly handsome

Man in a fireman helmet

And have him just use me for ***

As I say, it’s a little complex

One day, some day

My prince may come

But it doesn’t seem likely

And even if he came and he liked me

It’s likely he’d be

Not quite my type

Some day, they say

He’ll come riding up on the back of a horse

But, of course, I’m allergic to horses

How will I tell him?

He’ll just have to sell him

I went to school with a girl

I remember her well

She was pretty smart

And pretty as hell

Her folks had a farm

But she wouldn’t stay of course

She wanted Prince Charming

So she went to L.A. of course

Managed to seduce a

Famous actor or producer

Shacked up in a house in the hills

With a cat and a juicer

And a fancy car and a tennis court

But the guy wasn’t quite the catch she thought she’d caught

He treats her like trash and then

You know the drill

Takes his cat and his cash and

Finds some younger girl

So she’s left with this stupid Corvette

And an empty swimming pool which she fills with regret

Smart girl, but kind of dumb

And I’d rather be lonely than sit on my fanny

Waiting for my prince to come

One day, some day

He’ll come sweeping in and sweep me off my feet

And spend the next four decades wanting to cheat on me

Getting less handsome

And fighting his dragons

He’d know what to wear, he’d have a full head of hair

And his eyes would be brown, or blue, or green

Well, I don’t care

And his body would be toned

With those pecs like you get at the gym

But he won’t spend all his time at the gym

And he’ll love reading books

He’ll be an excellent cook

He’ll be good looking but not too aware of his looks

He’ll be tender but tough

And smart but not smug

And attentive but not fawning

And he’ll smell good in the morning

And he’ll dance

And like hiking

And baking and biking

I’m not picky, I just ask

That he likes me, and I like him

And I’d rather be alone

If the only other option

Is succumb and settle down

With some condescending clown

With a great rating from some dating service

Some self-professing Mr. Perfect

Another narcissistic legend

Made a million out of hedge funds

Another ***ually ineffectual

Self-obsessing ********ual

Pseudointellectual

Getting drunk and existential

Every time the Steelers lose a game

Thanks, but perhaps some other day

One day, some day

My prince may come

But I won’t hold my breath

There’s only divorcées and weirdos left

And weird is fine

But not all the time

One day, some day

My prince will come

So the fairy tales said

Thirty years later it’s still in my head

That if I screw a frog

I will wake in a four-poster bed

[PHIL CONNORS & JOELLE]

There was a day with a girl （There was a day）

I remember it well

Her name was （With a girl）

Janine..

Or JaneAnn..

Or Joelle

（It’s Joelle）

We drank piña coladas

Watched the sun setting

over the bay

（Watched the sun setting over the bay）

We made love in the sand （We made love in the sand）

And when we were through （When we were through）

We went back to her room（Back to my room）

And watched Ghostbusters II（Ghostbusters II）

Smoked half a joint （Smoked half a joint）

And ate half a pound of pâté

（It was way too much pâté）

Why couldn’t that be my

One day?

[CHUBBY MAN] One day, some day

I’ll cut down on fried chicken take-away

My doctor said one day my heart will stop tickin’

Unless I cut down on that chicken

I will do it, one day

[RALPH] One Day I’ll stop drinking so much

[NANCY] I’ll stop dating men who are twenty years older

[SHERIFF] I’ll get a new safety clip for my holster

It opens too quick

I’ll do it next week

[MRS. LANCASTER] One day, I’ll get a new coffee maker

[FRED] Some day, I will buy her a ring

[NED] One day death will come to everyone

[DORIS] One day I’ll learn how to sing

[RITA & PHIL] One day (These endless first dates)

Some day (That start with her hating me)

My prince may come

But it doesn’t seem likely（It just doesn’t seem likely）

（That I’m gonna get her to like me）

Phil, you bought me candy

（I brought you candies）

（Can I get in your panties now?）

One day （One day is not enough）

Some day （I’ve had enough）

I’ll wake in the arms （I’m not enough）

Of an actual man （I’m not your Fictional man）

Who will love me for all that （I’m just me）

I am （I can’t be any more than I ）

With all that he is （am）

（This is all that there is）

[LARRY & COMPANY] Ok, Phil, we’re on in

Five, four, three, two （One day）

Ok, Phil, we’re on in （One day）

Five, four, three, two （One day）

Ok, Phil, we’re on in （One day）

Five, four, three, two （One day）

[LARRY] Two

[PHIL] Whataya know? It’s Groundhog Day

[COMPANY] Tomorrow spring will come, and then

There will be blue skies my friend

Bright eyes and laughter

[COMPANY & ELDERS]

Tomorrow, there will be sun（You can curse, cast spells or cry）

But if not tomorrow （Offer your prayers to the unfeeling sky）

Perhaps the day aaaaaaaa

（The spring will arrive when the winter is done）

（And if it’s not tomorrow）

（Then tomorrow, then tomorrow）

（Then tomorrow...）