Motorpsycho Nightmare

I pounded on a farmhouse

Lookin' for a place to stay

I was mighty, mighty tired

I had come a long, long way

I said, "Hey, hey, in there

Is there anybody home ?

I was standin' on the steps

Feelin' must alone

Well, out comes a farmer

He must have thought that I was nuts

He immediately looked at me

And stuck a gun into my guts

I fell down

To my bended knees

Saying, "I dig farmers

Don't shoot me please"

He cocked his rifle

And began to shout

"You're that travelin' salesman

That I have heard about"v I said, "No ! No ! No !

I'm a doctor and it's true

I'm a clean-cut kid

And I been to college too".

Then in comes his daughter

Whose name was Rita

She looked like she stepped out of

La Dolce Vita

I immediately tried to cool it

With her dad

And told him what a

Nice, pretty farm he had

He said, "What do doctors

Know about farms, pray tell ?"

I said, "I was born

At the bottom of a wishing well".

Well, by the dirt 'neath my nails

I guess he knew I wouldn't lie

He said "I guess, you're tired"

He said, kinds sly

I said, "Yes, ten thousand miles

Today I drove"

He said, "I got a bed for you

Underneath the stove

Just one condition

You got to sleep right now

That you don't touch my daughter

And in the morning, milk the cow".

I was sleepin' like a rat

When I heard something jerkin'

There stood Rita

Lookin' just like Tony Perkins

She said, "Would you like to take a shower ?

I'll show you up to the door"

I said, "Oh, no, no

I've been through this movie before

I knew I had to split

But I didn't know how

When she said,

"Would you like to take that shower now ?"

Well, I couldn't leave

Unless the old man chased me out

'Cause I'd already promised

That I'd milk his cows

I had to say something

To strike him very weird

So I yelled out

"I like Fidel Castro and his beard"

Rita looked offended

But she got out of the way

As he came charging down the stairs

Sayin', "What's that I heard you say ?"

I said, "I like Fidel Castrov I think you heard me right"

And I ducked as he swung

At me with all his might

Rita mumbled something

'Bout her mother on the hill

As his fist hit the icebox

He said he's going to kill me

If I don't get out of the door

In two seconds flat

"Your unpatriotic

Rotten doctor Commie rat".

Well, he threw a Reader's Digest

At my head and I did run

I did a somersault

As I seen him get his gun

And chrashed through the window

At a hundred miles an hour

And landed fully blast

In his garden flowers

Rita said, "Come back"

As he started to load

The sun was comin' up

And I was runnin' down the road.

Well, I don't figure I'll be back

There for a spell

Even though Rita moved away

And got a job in a motel

He still waits for me

Constant on the sky

He wants to turn me in

To the FBI

Me, I romp and stomping

Thankful as a romp

Without freedom of speech

I might be in the swamp.