Car Crash

It was problematic at best to perceive existence

with a myopic lens I embedded into myself

The lack of gestures limited the effectiveness of my delivery

and all she begged for was deliverance

Soft, eloquent passages that provided closure.

Not answers, just closure

And I somehow fashioned together an array of broken glass

And that looked enough like a vase that it would pass

She would accept it

and have a way to keep her roses watered and alive again,

when I was broken Prized among the lacklustre thieves

immune to pain but pain by immunity

She beckoned me and she lessened me because no other love

could accommodate my blind fold so easily

And I was afraid of change, but I was afraid of not changing

And I was afraid of change, but I was afraid of not changing

Then a quick flood of blood infecting my brain,

dashboard you, dashboard blank slate

My narrow lens no longer mattered,

no longer weighed in and neither did your fear,

or your insecurities, or your smile

That moment in three seconds fate circumvented a concrete divider,

followed by seven seconds of nervous prayer,

nervous cursing, nervous something

presented in my lies, those god for saken lies limited it even more

presented on my God forsaken lies limited it even more

Seven seconds of promising myself, promising myself that if I survived I would stop bargaining

I would stop pushing off effort in exchange for more time,

I would stop neglecting civil spiritual and personal duties or promises,

one of the other, they both seemed likely at that point

Two seconds, the longest two seconds

I've ever experienced of lying to myself,

lying to my God and lying to you

The words "I promise" seem so trite and so inaccurate

Sirens ended the charade and began an investigation

seated on the cold end of a wooden table.

I shouted, "This is who I was, but not who I am!"

I assured them, mistakes were to be made

but lessons were to be learned.

I always thought that is what life was;

just a collection of moments intended for lessons.

Or a collection of lessons looking for moments to fulfill them.

So foolish, a passenger caught up in this accident.

Nothing mattered beyond the fact

that I was broken and hurting and damaged physically.

And I praise God that I was a survivor

and that's when I heard the fate of the driver.

Three seconds later, closure, not answers.

Just closure.

Lost in the wreckage as a soul ascended, I loved you

Lost in the wreckage as a soul ascended, I love you

And every day I wish we could trade places