Headlights

Mom, I know I let you down

And though you say the days are happy

Why is the power off and I'm ****ed up?

And, Mom, I know he's not around

But don't you place the blame on me

As you pour yourself another drink, yeah

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I went in headfirst, never thinkin' about who what I said hurt

In what verse, my mom probably got it the worst

The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far?

"Cleanin' Out My Closet" and all them other songs

But regardless, I don't hate you ‘cause, Ma

You're still beautiful to me, ‘cause you're my mom

Though far be it from you to be calm

Our house was Vietnam, Desert Storm

And both of us put together could form an atomic bomb

Equivalent to chemical warfare

And forever we could drag this on and on

But agree to disagree, that gift for me

Up under the Christmas tree don't mean s**t to me

You're kickin' me out? It's 15 degrees

And it's Christmas Eve, "Little p***k, just leave!"

Ma, let me grab my ****ing coat!

Anything to have each other's goats

Why we always at each other's throats?

Especially when Dad, he ****ed us both

We're in the same ****in' boat

You'd think that'd make us close (nope)

Further away it drove us, but together, headlights shine

And a car full of belongings, still got a ways to go

Back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road

And I was the man of the house, the oldest

So my shoulders carried the weight of the load

Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old

And that's when I realized you were sick

And it wasn't fixable or changeable

And to this day we remain estranged, and I hate it though, but—

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

‘Cause to this day we remain estranged, and I hate it though

‘Cause you ain't even get to witness your grandbabies grow

But I'm sorry, Momma, for "Cleanin' Out My Closet"

At the time I was angry, rightfully? Maybe so

Never meant that far to take it though

‘Cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not makin' jokes

That song I no longer play at shows

And I cringe every time it's on the radio

And I think of Nathan being placed in a home

And all the medicine you fed us and

How I just wanted you to taste your own

But now the medication's takin' over

And your mental state's deterioratin' slow

And I'm way too old to cry, the s**t is painful though

But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo

All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both

Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours

But I love you, Debbie Mathers

Oh, what a tangled web we have ‘cause

One thing I never asked was

Where the **** my deadbeat dad was

**** it, I guess he had trouble keepin' up with every address

But I'da flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus

Owned a collection of maps

And followed my kids to the edge of the atlas

If someone ever moved 'em from me

That you coulda bet your asses

If I had to come down the chimney, dressed as Santa, kidnap 'em

And although one has only met their grandma once

You pulled up in our drive one night

As we were leavin' to get some hamburgers

Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you

And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness

Come over me as we pulled off to go our separate paths and

I saw your headlights as I looked back

And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to

Thank you for being my mom and my dad

So, Mom, please accept this as a

Tribute; I wrote this on the jet, I guess I had to

Get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to

Lay it 'fore I'm dead, the stewardess said to fasten

My seatbelt, I guess we're crashin'

So, if I'm not dreamin', I hope you get this message that

I will always love you from afar, ‘cause you're my mom

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life (start over)

One without a cause (clean slate)

So I'm coming home tonight

Well, no matter what the cost

And if the plane goes down

Or if the crew can't wake me up

Well, just know that I'm alright

I was not afraid to die

Oh, even if there's songs to sing

Well, my children will carry me

Just know that I'm alright

I was not afraid to die

Because I put my faith in my little girls

So I'll never say goodbye cruel world

Just know that I'm alright

I am not afraid to die

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life