Headlights

Mom, I know I let you down

And though you say the days are happy

Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?

And mom, I know he's not around

But don't you place the blame on me

As you pour yourself another drink

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I went in headfirst

Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse

My mom probably got it the worst

The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are

Did I take it too far?

Cleaning out my closet and all them other songs

But regardless I don't hate you cause ma!

You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom

Though far be it for you to be calling, my house was Vietnam

Desert Storm and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb equivalent to Chemical warfare

And forever we can drag this on and on

But, agree to disagree

That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me

You're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)

Ma, let me grab my fucking coat, anything to have each other's goats

Why we always at each others throats? Especially when dad, he fucked us both

We're in the same fucking boat, you'd think that it'd make us close (nope)

Further away that drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings

Still got a ways to go, back to grandma's house it's straight up the road

And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load

Then Nate got taken away by the state at 8 years old, and

That's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changable

And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though

Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand baby's growth

But I'm sorry mama for Cleaning Out My Closet, at the time I was angry

Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, cause

Now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes

That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio

And I think of Nathan being placed in a home

And all the medicine you fed us

And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but

Now the medications taken over and your mental states deteriorating slow

And I'm way too old to cry, that shit's painful though

But ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan yo

All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both

Foster care, that cross you bare, few may be as heavy as yours

But I love you Debbie Mathers, oh what a tangled web we have, cause

One thing I never asked was where the fuck my deadbeat dad was

Fuck it I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address

But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus

Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas

Someone ever moved them from me? That you could bet your ass's

If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them

And although one has met their grandma

Once you pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some handburgers

Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you

And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me

As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and

I saw your headlights as I looked back

And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad

So Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet

I guess I had to get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead

The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt, I guess we're crashing

So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you this message that I'll always love you from afar

Cause you're my mama...

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life

One without a cause

So I'm coming home tonight

Well no matter what the cost

And if the plane goes down

And if the crew can't wake me up

Just know that I was alright

And I was not afraid to die

Even if there's songs to sing

My children will carry me

Just know that I'm alright

I was not afraid to die

Because I put my faith in my little girl

So I never say goodbye cruel world

Just know that I'm alright

I am not afraid to die

I guess we are who we are

Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on

Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life