The Legend of Loco Chanel (And the Blood Red Dress)

Once in a lifetime

There will rise a hero

Who's approaching footsteps

Will cause the earth to quake

Once in a lifetime

They'll baptize a hero

In the blood she left in her wake

The legend of Loco Chanelle

I'll sing a story now of way out West

Of Madame Loco and the blood red dress

And of the man who didn't treat her right

You see that dress, well it started out white

She was the sweetest thing you'd ever seen

Raised on a cattle ranch in Southey Green

She was a beauty queen in '79

And spent her summers on the Greyhound line

But she knew that every queen must have a crown

So she set off to a place called London Town

Where streets are paved with gold and lit with dreams

And magpies come to gather all that gleams

A simple girl, she never traveled far

But in her heart there burned a superstar

She'd hit 'em hard and swore she'd give 'em hell

The legend of

Loco Chanelle

She'd not a single friend to count upon

Until in Camden met a man named John

He liked her lipstick and he loved her wig

He told her

Babydoll I'll make you big

Stick with me kiddo and the city's yours

The fame, the fortune, the perpetual applause

She trusted Johny, so she spent the night

Who knew a wolf had such a charming bite?

But Johny was an agent, not a gent

And he took more than the usual 10 percent

And though he promised Miss Chanelle the Earth

She soon discovered what his word was worth

On opening night the audience was packed

When she caught him screwing with a younger act

In flagrante at the Finchley Hotel

The tragedy of Loco Chanelle

The seats were sold out to the last reserves

She said: "I need a drink to calm me nerves"

Then she saw Johny with his tie askew

Her look was loaded and her gun was too

"Here's to you Johny, have a shot to start"

And then she smiled and shot him through the heart

Her dress was purest white till Johny bled

And turned her virgin gown to deepest red

She strolled onto the stage, a crimson queen

And killed the crowd by stealing every scene

And soon her fans were queuing round the block

To see the diva in the blood red frock

And that, my dear, is how the star shall rise

With ruby lips and murder in her eyes

Till one day to avoid a prison cell

Miss Loco vanished like a magic spell

Where she is now, no! I'll never tell

That's the legend of Loco Chanelle