Mother I Sober

I'm sensitive, I feel everything, I feel everybody

One man standin' on 2 words, heal everybody

Transformation, then reciprocation, karma must return

Heal myself, secrets that I hide, buried in these words

Death threats, ego must die, but I let it purge

Pacify broken, pieces of me, it was all a blur

Mother cried, put they hands on her, it was family ties

I heard it all, I should've grabbed a gun, but I was only five

I still feel weighin' on my heart, my first tough decision

In the shadows clingin' to my soul as my only critic

Where's my faith? Told you I was Christian, but just not today

I transformed, prayin' to the trees, God is taken shape

My mothers mother followed me for years in her afterlife

Starin' at me on back of some buses

I wake up at night, loved her dearly

Traded in my tears for a Range Rover

Transformation, you ain't felt grief 'til you felt it sober

I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

Ooh, I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

I remember lookin' in the mirror knowin' I was gifted

Only child, me for seven years, everything for Christmas

Family ties, they accused my cousin

"Did he touch you Kendrick?"

Never lied, but no one believed me

When I said "He didn't", frozen moments, still holdin' on it

Hard to trust myself, I started rhymin'

Copin' mechanisms to lift up myself

Talked to my lawyer, told me not to be so hard on myself

He has an aurora, I hope to achieve

If I find some help, congratulations, made it to be famous

Still I feel uneasy, water watchin', live my life in nature

Only thing relieves me

Spirit guide whisper in my ear tell me that she sees me

"Did he touch you?" I said "No" again, still they didn't believe me

Mothers brother said he got revenge for my mothers face

Black and blue, the image of my queen that I can't erase

'Til this day can't look her in the eyes pain is takin' over

Blame myself, you never felt guilt 'til you felt it sober

I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

Ooh, I wish I was somebody

Anybody but myself

I was never high, I was never drunk, out my mind, I need control

They handed me some smoke, but still I declined, sittin' with myself

Went through all emotions, no dependents, except for the one

Let me bring you closer, intoxicated, there's a lustful nature that I failed to mention

Insecurities that I project, sleepin' with other women

Whitney's hurt, the pure soul I know I found her in the kitchen

Askin' God "Where did I lose myself? And can it be forgiven?"

Broek me down, she looked me in my eyes

"Is there an addiction?" I said "No", but this time I lied

I knew I can't fix pure soul, even in her pain

Know she cared for me, gave me a number

Said she recommended some therapy

I asked my momma why she didn't believe me when I told her "No"

I never knew she was violated in Chicago, I'm sympathetic

Told me she feared it happened to me, for my protection

Though it never happened, she wouldn't agree

Know I'm affected, twenty years later trauma has resurfaced

Amplified as I write this song, I shiver 'cause I'm nervous

I was five, questioning myself, 'lone fir many years

Nothing's wrong, just results on how them questions made me feel

I made it home, seven years on detour, chasin' manhood

But Whitney's gone by time you hear this song, she did all she could

All these women gave me super powers, what I thought I lacked

I pray our children don't inherit me and my feelings

I attract a conversation, not bein' addressed in black families

The devastation hauntin' generations and humanity

They raped our mother, then they raped our sisters

Then they made us watch, then made us rape eachother

Psychotic torture between lives we ain't recovered

Still livin' as victims in the public's eyes, who pledge allegiance

Every other brother has been compromised

I know secrets every other rapper sexually abused

I see them daily burin' the pain in chains and tattoos

So listen close before you start to pass judgement on how we move

Learn how we cope, whenever his uncle had to walk him from school

His ankle grows deep in misogyny

This is posttraumatic black families and a sodomy, today is still active

So I set free myself from all the guilt that I thought I made

So I set self my mother all the hurt that she titled shame

So I set fire to my cousin, khaotic for my mothers pain

I hope Hakeem made you proud, 'cause you ain't die in vein

So I set fire the power of Whitney, may she heal us all

So I set free out children, may good karma keep them with God

So I set free the hearts filled with hatred, keep our bodies sacred

As I set free all you abusers, this is transformation