A Little Priest

[MRS. LOVETT] That's all very well, but what are we going to do about the Italian?

[TODD] Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him out of the trunk and bury him

[MRS. LOVETT] Well, yes, of course, we could do that. I don't suppose he's got any relatives gonna come poking around looking for him. But you know me, bright ideas just pop into my head and I keep thinking...

Seems a downright shame

[TODD] Shame?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Seems an awful waste

Such a nice plump frame

What's his name has… had… has

Nor he can't be traced

Business needs a lift

Debts to be erased

Think of it as thrift

As a gift

If you get my drift

No?

Seems an awful waste

I mean, with the price of meat

What it is

When you get it

If you get it

[TODD]

Ha!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Good, you got it

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop

Business never better, using only *****cats and toast

And a *****'s good for maybe six or seven at the most

And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste

[TODD]

Mrs. Lovett

What a charming notion

Eminently practical

And yet appropriate as always

（MRS. LOVETT：Well, it does seem a waste）

Mrs. Lovett

How I've lived without you all these years

I'll never know

How delectable

Also undetectable

How choice

How rare

(Mrs Lovett: Think about it, lots of other gentlemen'll

Soon be comin' for a shave, won't they?

Think of All them Pies)

[TODD]

For what's the sound of the world out there

[MRS. LOVETT]

What, Mr. Todd

What, Mr. Todd

What is that sound

[TODD]

Those crunching noises pervading the air

[MRS. LOVETT]

Yes, Mr. Todd!

Yes, Mr. Todd!

Yes, all around

[TODD]

It's man devouring man, my dear

[TODD/MRS. LOVETT]

And who are we to deny it in here?

[TODD]

Ah, these are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett. Desperate measure must be taken

[MRS. LOVETT]

Here we are now, hot out of the oven

[TODD]

What is that?

[MRS. LOVETT]

It's priest

Have a little priest

[TODD]

Is it really good?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Sir, it's too good, at least!

Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh

So it's pretty fresh

[TODD]

Awful lot of fat

[MRS. LOVETT]

Only where it sat

[TODD]

Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

[MRS. LOVETT]

No, y'see, the trouble with poet is

How do you know it's deceased?

Try the priest!

[TODD]

Mm, heavenly!Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then not as bland as curate, either!

[MRS. LOVETT]

And good for business, too; always leaves you wantin' more!

Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!

Lawyer's rather nice

[TODD]

If it's for a price

[MRS. LOVETT]

Order something else, though, to follow

Since no one should swallow it twice!

[TODD]

Anything that's lean?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Well, then, if you're British and loyal

You might enjoy Royal Marine

Anyway, it's clean

Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!

[TODD]

Is that squire

On the fire?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Mercy no, sir, look closer

You'll notice it's grocer!

[TODD]

Looks thicker

More like vicar!

[MRS. LOVETT]

No, it has to be grocer

It's green!

[TODD]

The history of the world, my love

[MRS. LOVETT]

Save a lot of graves

Do a lot of relatives favors!

[TODD]

Is those below serving those up above!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Ev'rybody shaves

So there should be plenty of flavors!

[TODD]

How gratifying for once to know

[TODD/MRS. LOVETT]

That those above will serve those down below!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Now let's see, here... We've got tinker

[TODD]

Something... pinker

[MRS. LOVETT]

Tailor?

[TODD]

Paler

[MRS. LOVETT]

Butler?

[TODD]

Subtler

[MRS. LOVETT]

Potter?

[TODD]

Hotter

[MRS. LOVETT]

Locksmith?

Lovely bit of clerk

[TODD]

Maybe for a lark

[MRS. LOVETT]

Then again there's sweep

If you want it cheap

And you like it dark!

Try the financier

Peak of his career!

[TODD]

That looks pretty rank

[MRS. LOVETT]

Well, he drank

It's a bank

Cashier

Never really sold

Maybe it was old

[TODD]

Have you any Beadle?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Next week, so I'm told!

Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and

Notice 'ow well it's been greased...

Stick to priest!

Now then, this might be a little bit stringy

But then of course it's... fiddle player!

[TODD]

No, this isn't fiddle player -- it's piccolo player!

[MRS. LOVETT]

How can you tell?

[TODD]

It's piping hot!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Then blow on it first!

[TODD]

The history of the world, my sweet

[MRS. LOVETT]

Oh, Mr. Todd

Ooh, Mr. Todd

What does it tell?

[TODD]

Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat!

[MRS. LOVETT]

And, Mr. Todd

Too, Mr. Todd

Who gets to sell!

[TODD]

But fortunately, it's also clear

[MRS. LOVETT/TODD]

That ev'rybody goes down well with beer!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about... rear admiral?

[TODD]

Too salty. I prefer general

[MRS. LOVETT]

With, or without his privates?

With is extra

[TODD]

What is that?

[MRS. LOVETT]

It's fop

Finest in the shop

Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered

With actual shepherd on top!

And I've just begun

Here's the politician, so oily

It's served with a doily

Have one!

[TODD]

Put it on a bun

Well, you never know if it's going to run!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Try the friar

Fried, it's drier!

[TODD]

No, the clergy is really

Too coarse and too mealy!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Then actor

It's compacter!

[TODD]

Yes and always arrives overdone!

I'll come again when you have judge on the menu

[MRS. LOVETT]

Wait, true, we don't have judge yet

But we've got something you might fancy even better

[TODD]

What is that?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Executioner!

[TODD]

Have charity towards the world, my pet!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Yes, yes, I know, my love!

[TODD]

We'll take the customers that we can get!

[MRS. LOVETT]

High-born and low, my love!

[TODD]

We'll not discriminate great from small!

No, we'll serve anyone

Meaning anyone!

[MRS. LOVETT/TODD]

And to anyone!

At all!