Pirelli's Miracle Elixir

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?

Do you wake every morning in shame and despair

To discover your pillow is covered with hair

What ought not to be there?

Well, ladies and gentlemen

From now on you can wake with ease

You need never again have a worry or care

I will show you a miracle marvelous rare

Gentlemen, you are about to see something that rose from the dead

On the top of my head

Scarcely a month ago, gentlemen

I was struck with a horrible dermatologic disease

Though the finest physicians in London were called

I awakened one morning amazed and appalled

To discover with dread that my head was as bald

As a novice's knees

I was dying of shame

Till a gentleman came

An illustrious barber, Pirelli by name

He gave me a liquid as precious as gold

I rubbed it in daily like what I was told

And behold!

Only thirty days old!

'Twas Pirelli's Miracle elixir

That's what did the trick, sir

True, sir, true

Was it quick, sir?

Did it in a tick, sir

Just like an elixir ought to do

How about a bottle, mister?

Only costs a penny, guaranteed

(Penny buys a bottle, I don't know) Go ahead and tug, sir

(You don't need, ah, let's go) Go ahead, sir, harder

Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir?

You can have my oath, sir, 'tis unique

Rub a minute, stimulating, in'it?

Soon you'll have to thin it once a week

Penny buys a bottle, guaranteed

(Penny buys a bottle, might as well) (I just did)

Gently dab it, gets to be a 'abit

Soon there'll be enough, sir

Somebody can grab it

See this chap with hair like Shelley's?

You can tell he's used Pirelli's

(Let me have a bottle) (Make that two)

Todd: Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?

Mrs Lovett: Are we standing near an open trench?

Todd: Must be standing near an open trench

Buy Pirelli's Miracle elixir

Anything what's slick, sir

Soon sprouts curls

Try Pirelli's

When they see how thick, sir

You can have your pick, sir, of the girls

Wanna buy a bottle, missus?

Todd: What is this?

Mrs Lovett: What is this?

Todd: Smells like piss

Mrs Lovett: Smells likePhew! (He says it smells like piss)

Todd: Looks like piss (What d'you think?)

Todd: This is piss, piss with ink

(Give us the bloody money)

Todd: Where is this Pirelli? (Yes, where is this Pirelli?)

Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir

Todd: Keep it off your boots, sir, eats right through (Go and get Pirelli)

Yes, get Pirelli's, use a bottle of it

Ladies seem to love it

Mrs Lovett: Flies do too

(Get the bloody money off him)

(Get the bloody money off him)

See Pirelli's Miracle elixir

Grow a little wick, sir, then some fuzz

The Pirelli's, soon'll make it thick, sir

Like a good elixir always does!

Trust Pirelli's if your hair is sick, sir

Fix it in the nick, sir, don't look grim

Just Pirelli's Miracle elixir

That'll do the trick, sir?

(What about the money?)

If you've got it a kick, sir

(What about the money?)

(Where is this Pirelli?)

(Go and get Pirelli)

Tell it to the mixer

Of the miracle elixir

If you've got a kick, sir

Talk to him