I Trap You

Love is a self-made thing

I am free

I stare at the air and I see patterns

And your name is a song in my chest

The taste is metallic

How many billions walk this planet?

I feel them, I feel them!

You show me my mass

Love is an endless sky

An endless cliché that imagines itself to be deep revelation

An open face

An open palm

An open plain

All open

The more that we close it the less that we know it

And just 'cause I know it

Don't mean I know how to show it.

They're taking everything from us and

telling us nothing is ours, but here we are, dancing

You make me a microscope

You make me a map

I called it Love

I should have called it

Trap

I trap you! I should have said tenderly

At the end of a long day

While we kept each other

Desperately stagnant

I trap you so much!

Yes, I want you to be happy. But don't threaten my happiness

Can't you see I'm walking this threadbare tightrope?

Made out of dental floss stitched

together with strands of tobacco and dog hair

And it stretches between two precious fantasies – my fantasy of me

And my fantasy of you –

And beneath, in raging red chopped razor teethed states of fury

Are all my insecurities

And all the little lies I like to tell myself

And every other reason that I can't see the truth

'I trap you so much!'

I should have whispered in your ear as we fell asleep

Bodies unbound

Sheets soaked

Hearts hammering

If I see it clear will it stay clear?

Will it be clear when you're here?

I don't want fear I don't want greed

I want freedom I want to be freed

I want you to be freed

I want to nourish

I don't want to feed

Like some ravenous mouth

With no guts only greed

Endless appetite

Need

Need

Need

You can't free me

I free me

I breathe

If I am in pieces, is it easier to see?

I think I am whole now

I think I am more whole

But I still check my phone seventeen times a minute

To see if you called and I missed it

Trap

Love is a self-made thing

Love is a self-made

Trap