Rock n Roll Nerd

A song upon the subject

Of having night death

He doesn't have a problem with drugs

He just doesn't do them

He's fine that his mates have tattoos

But he reckons they'll rue them

He likes going to pubs

But he hates it when the music's too loud

He tends not to go to rock concerts

Cos he can't stand the crowds

But all he's ever wanted to be

Is a rock star on Rage or MTV

But he knows that it's not very likely

He's just turned thirty

He knows that he will always be

A rock 'n' roll nerd

He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear

And though they won't be heard

He'll just keep writing

But you see the problem is

He always dreamt of being a star

But he learnt piano instead of guitar

Which in the nineties, didn't get you very far

So while the other kids were learning Stairway

He was the piano to their forte

But he was convinced one day he'd rock their ****ing asses

And be an icon for the disenfranchised masses

And grow his hair long and rebel against the state

But just for now that he’d have to wait

Cos he's running late for his morning classes

And he will always be

A rock 'n' roll nerd

He'll keep playing gigs that no one knows about

And though it sounds absurd

He'll just keep playing

But you see the problem is

There's not much depth in what he's singing

He's a victim of his upper-middle class upbringing

So he can't write about the 'hood

Or bling bling

So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead

To try and invoke some angst in his middle class head

But she's always fine

At half past nine

When they go to bed

And he's not spent a single night in prison

He has no issues with nutrition

He has no drinking problem and no drug addiction

Unless you count the drugs they put in chicken

And ********* always tends to make him cough

He doesn't look good with his t-shirt off

And when he tries to act tough

You can tell he's trickin'

While his mates all go out late

Poppin' pills and having fun

He goes home and showers

Gets a good eight hours

He gets his thrills from his morning run

And while his mates all go on dates

Taking speed and drinking cans of Jim Beam

He stays home and cooks

Curls up with a book

With a girl he's had since he was seventeen

Cos he's never been part of the scene

While the other kids liked Guns, he liked Queen

He's more into Beatles than the Stones

He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones

And he's never owned a panel van

He's never shot a Sepultura fan

He doesn't know the difference between metal and thrash

He couldn't tell you nothing about Axl and Slash

He likes Ben Folds and the Jackson Five

He knows all the words to “Staying Alive”

And though he wants to be all grungy and cool

He spent eleven years in a

Private school

So it don't matter how he tries

He cannot hide behind his rock 'n' roll lies

Because you've either got it or you don't

Yeah you'll either rock it or you won't

Yeah you've either got it or you don't

Yeah you'll either rock it or you won't

He knows that his music lacks depth

But it just can't be helped

He has nothing interesting to say

So he writes about himself

But he doesn't want to see self-obsessed

So he writes in third person

In an attempt to seem more rock 'n' roll but he knows it's not working

Deep in his heart he knows

He will never be Jet or Eskimo Joe

And even if he was quite pretty

And wrote songs like missy

He knows that he will always be

A rock 'n' roll nerd

He'll keep writing songs the world don't care about

And though they sound absurd

He'll just keep writing

You can criticize him

But he won't care

Cos he wants to rock

And he will never be deterred

But he'll always be a ******-up, little, try-hard, wannabe rock 'n' roll nerd

(Stairway to Heaven Intro)

Rock 'n' roll nerd