The Millionaire

T'was early Friday mornin' as I cycled into town

The front wheel it was wobblin' and the mud guard fallin' down

The two legs of me trousers were held up with bits of twine

And a pension book kept telling me a pint would soon be mine

How are you Mr. Murphy, said the postal clerk to me

Not too bad, says I, for a man of 73

The fox came to me house last night and stole me only duck

"Buy a lottery ticket", she says, "It might change your luck."

Well I took the little girls’ advice and I gave to her a pound

Outside I scratched me ticket with the penknife I had found

Well I nearly dropped me trousers and I grew a head of hair

When I realized I was a bloody millionaire

No more hay or turf to save, no more feedin' calves

One kick from me big boot and the bike was in two halves

I headed for the local, sure I was feeling great

And friends I never knew I had came in to celebrate

Not long after that I had a new suit on me back

A new red car outside the door with a telephone on the rack

Me wife was wearing a blonde wig where her gray head used to be

And the Wellington tracks had disappeared from just below her knee

I sat there admiring the new dress that she wore

A lovely set of teeth she had installed the day before

I held her oh so tightly like when I was a groom

And we looked rich and graceful as we waltzed around the room

Well then I got an awful shock, I thought I’d nearly die

I spied my ugly missus as I opened up one eye

With rollers in her old gray head she nearly made me sick

"Get up and milk the cows", she says, "you ravin’ lunatic."

It was then I realized that it was all a dream

The cow was lowing in the field and the cat was at the cream

Our bike was thrown in the hedge, me trousers had a shine

ah but twas lovely while it lasted, that winnin’ dream of mine