Talking Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues

I saw it advertised one day,

That the Bear Mountain picnic was comin' my way.

"Come along 'n' take a trip,

We'll bring you up there on a ship.

Bring the wife and family

Bring the whole kids."

Yippee

Well, I run right down 'n' bought a ticket,

To this called the Bear Mountain Picnic.

But little did I realize

I was in for a pleasant, funny surprise.

Had nothin' to do with a picnic.

Didn't come close to a mountain.

And I hate bears.

Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier,

There were six thousand people there.

Everybody had ticket for the trip.

"Oh well." I said, "it's a pretty big ship.

Besides, anyhow, the more the merrier."

Well, we all got on 'n' what d'ya think,

That big old boat started t' sink

More people kept a-pilin' on,

That old ship was a-goin' down.

Funny way t' start a picnic.

Well, I soon lost track of m' kids 'n' wife,

So many people I never saw in m' life.

That old ship sinkin' down in the water,

There were six thousand people tryin' t' kill each other,

Dogs a-barkin', cats a-screamin',

Women a-yellin', men a-flyin', fists a-flyin', paper flyin'(?),

Cops a-comin', me runnin'.

Maybe we just better call off the picnic.

I got shoved down, got pushed around,

All I remember was a moanin' sound.

Don't remember one thing more,

All I remember's wakin' up on the shore,

M' arms n' legs are broken, my feet were splintered, my head was cracked, couldn't walk, couldn't talk, smell, feel, Couldn't see,

Didn't know where I was

I was bald,

Quite lucky to be alive, though

Well, feelin' like I just climbed outa m' casket,

I grabbed back hold of m' picnic basket.

Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home,

Wishin' I'd never got up that mornin'.

Now, I don't care just a-what you do,

If you wanta have a picnic, that's up t' you.

But don't tell me about it, I don't wanta hear it,

'Cause, see, I just lost all m' picnic spirit.

Stay in m' kitchen, have a picnic in the bathroom.

Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny

What some people are gonna do f'r money.

There's a bran' new gimmick every day

Just t' take somebody's money away.

I think we oughta take some o' these people,

And put 'em on a boat,

Send 'em up to Bear Mountain for a picnic.