Dad's Best Friend

Bootcut Jeans

Salmon shirt

I have a skin routine and my elbows hurt

I don't give blood...

Because I won't give blood

Bought a tarantula from a Swedish guy

He helped me out in Stockholm with a DUI

And I stalk Ian Brown when he comes to town

I stole ******* off my nephews friend

I did it with the fellas at the A.G.M.

And Eleanor from A&R refused me again

So I did that thing at the Holiday Inn

My wife sells cheese on the Internet -

I think about her sister when we're intimate

Her family and friends

They don't like me anymore

'Cause I threatened all her brothers with an antique sword

I'm your dad's best friend

Your dad's best friend

We're taking him to Holland for the long weekend

He never had a stag

He never had a stag

We're taking him to Amsterdam and making him a man

Your dad's best friend

Your dad's best friend

We're doing ketamine up in the Netherlands

He never had a stag

He never had a stag,

I'm taking him to Amsterdam and buying him a bag

I watch gay porn in my garden shed

I lie to everybody that my father's dead

I smell like Joop...

My son has croup

Picking up the hooker that I like the best

Crying on her toilet cause my life's a mess

I'm sleeping in the office cause my wife's depressed

I'm heating streaky bacon in a trouser press

I am your dad's best friend

Your dad's best friend

I'm taking him to Holland for the long weekend

He never had a stag

He never had a stag

I'm taking him to Amsterdam and making him a man

Your dad's best friend

Your dad's best friend

We're doing ketamine up in the Netherlands

And maybe when you've children of your own

You'll be praying for a best friend just like me