Joseph Smith American Moses

And now we wish to honour you with the story of Joseph Smith, the American Moses!

Well, this is very good! Praise Christ!

Mor-mon!

I'm going to take you back in time! (Mormon)

To the United States, 1823. (Mormon)

A small and odd village called oopstate New York. (Oopstate)

There was disease, and famine (So sick)

But also in the village lived a simple farmer who would change everything

His name was Joseph Smith

Ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya

Joseph Smith, American Moses!

Praise be to Joseph! American prophet man.

AY! My name is Joseph Smith, and I'm going to f*ck this baby!

(MISSION PRESIDENT: What?!)

No no Joseph! Don't f*ck the baby!

Joseph Smith, don't f*ck the baby.

Suddenly the clouds parted,

And Joseph Smith was visited by GOD!

Joseph Smith, do not f*ck a baby.

I'll get rid of your AIDS if you f*ck this frog.

Ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya

Joseph Smith f*cked the frog god gave him,

And his AIDS went away!

Then a great wizard named Moroni came down from the starship enterprise

Joseph Smith! Your village is sh*t!

You should lead the villagers to a new village.

Take these f*cking golden plates (awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay)

And on the plates were written the directions to a new land.

Sal Tlay Ka Siti (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)

Joseph tried to convince all the villagers to follow him and his golden plates.

Liberation! Equality! No more slavery for oopstate Mormon people!

I got de golden plates! (Gold plates!)

I gunna lead the people! (We head west!)

We gotta stick together! (Mormons!)

We gotta help each other! (We're Mormons!)

And so we climb the mountain! (We head west!)

And we cross the river (We head west!)

And we fight the oppression! (Mormons!)

By being nice to everyone (We're Mormons!)

Not so fast Mormons! You shall not pass my mountain!

Down from the mountain look who comes! The American warman, Brigham Young!

YEEEEEEEES! I am Brigham Young!

I cut off my daughter's cl*toris.

That made god angry so he turned my nose into a clit for punishment!

(Brigham Young, his nose was a cl*toris)

What will you do Joseph? Will you fight the cl*toris man?

Not fight him, help him! (Oooohhhhhhhh)

Joseph Smith took his magical f*ck frog and rubbed it upon Brigham Young's clit-face,

And behold, Rigam was cured!

Joseph Smith! Magical AIDS frog!

Brigham Young! Frog on his clit-face!

Brigham Young was so greatful, he decided to join the Mormons and their journey.

Compassion! Courtesy!

Let's be really f*cking polite to everyone!

I got de golden plates! (Gold plates)

I gunna lead the people! (We head west)

We gotta stick together!(Mormons!)

Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad. (Ohhhhhhh)

After travelling for so long,

The Mormons ran out of fresh water,

And became sick- with dysentery!

Mormon go to de watah, watah go to de cup

Cup go to de stomach, sh*t come out de butt

Sh*t go in de watah, watah go in de cup

Sh*t go down de stomach, sh*t come out de butt

Oh f*ck!

Oh no! The prophet Joseph Smith is now getting sick!

Sh*t go in de watah, watah go in de cup

Cup go to de thirsty, sh*t do to de stomach

Blood come out de butt, blood go in de watah

Watah go in de cup, cup go to de throat

Sh*t blood in de stomach, sh*t blood in de mouth

Sh*t blood on de insides, watah come out de butt

Brigham Young, you must take the golden plates and lead the Mormons to the promise land!

Despiration! Mortality! Loss of faith!

Ahhhh...I got the golden plates (Gold plates)

I gunna lead the people (We head west)

Even though their prophet had died,

The Mormons stuck together,

And helped each other,

And were really nice to everyone they came across.

And then one day, the Mormons finally found,

Sal Tlay Ka Siti! (Sal Tlay Ka Siti)

And there, the Mormons danced with ewoks,

And were greeted by Jesus!

Welcome Mormons!

Now, let's all have as many babies as we can,

And make big Mormon families!

Woohoo!

F*ck your woman, f*ck your man,

It is all part of god's plan

Mormons f*ck all that they can,

Here in Salt Lake City land!

Thank you! Thank you, God! (Now we are f*cking)

Thank you! Thank you, God! (God wants us f*cking)

Thank you! Thank you, God! (Get back to f*cking)

Thank you! Thank you, God!

Joseph Smith, f*ck frog-

Brigham Young, clit face-

Sh*t come out da butt

Jesus says f*ck, f*ck, Mormons!