The Lady's Paying

NORMA: Hurry up, the birthday boy is on his way

This is a surprise celebration

I hope you've remembered everything I've said

I want to see a total transformation

JOE: What's all this?

NORMA: Happy birthday, darling. Did you think we'd forgotten?

JOE: Well, I ... I don't know

NORMA: These people are from the best men's shop in town.

I had them close it down for the day

JOE: Norma, now listen!

NORMA: I'll leave you boys to it

MANFRED: Happy birthday, welcome to your shopathon!

JOE: What's going on?

MANFRED: Help yourself, it's all been taken care of

Anyone who's anyone is dressed by me

JOE: Well, golly gee

MANFRED: Pick out anything you'd like a pair of

You just point, I'll do the rest

I've brought nothing but the best

You're a very lucky writer

Come along now, get undressed

Unless I'm much mistaken

That's a 42-inch chest

JOE: I don't understand a word you're saying

MANFRED: Well, all you need to know's the lady's paying

It's nice to get your just reward this time of year

JOE: Get outta here!

MANFRED: And all my merchandise is strictly kosher

When you've thrown away all your old worn-out stuff

JOE: Hey, that's enough

MANFRED: Perhaps you'd like to model for my brochure

I have just the thing for you

Chalk-stripe suits

SALESMAN 1: In black

SALESMAN 2: Or blue

SALESMAN 3: Glen plaid trousers

SALESMAN 4: Cashmere sweaters

SALESMAN 5: Bathing shorts for Malibu

SALESMAN 6: Here's a patent leather lace-up

SALESMAN 7: It's a virtuoso shoe

MANFRED: And a simply marvelous coat made of vicuna

JOE: You know what you can do with your vicuna

NORMA: Come on Joe, you haven't even started yet

JOE: You wanna bet?

NORMA: I thought by now he'd look the height of fashion

He always takes forever making up his mind

Don't be unkind

I thought you writers knew about compassion

I love flannel on a man

MANFRED: This will complement his tan

NORMA: We'll take two of these and four of those

MANFRED: I'm still your greatest fan!

Very soon now we'll have stopped him

Looking like an also-ran

JOE: You're going to make me sorry that I'm staying

NORMA: Well, all right, I'll choose, after all, I'm paying!

MANFRED: Evening clothes?

NORMA: I want to see your most deluxe

JOE: Won't wear a tux

NORMA: Of course not, dear, tuxedos are for waiters

MANFRED: What we need are tails, a white tie and top hat

JOE: I can't wear that

NORMA: Joe, second-rate clothes are for second-raters

JOE: Norma, please...

NORMA: Shut up, I'm rich

Now some platinum blonde *****

I own so many apartments

I've forgotten which is which

JOE: I don't have to go to premieres

I'm never on display

You seem to forget that I'm a writer

Who cares what you wear when you're a writer?

NORMA: I care, Joe, and please don't be so mean to me

JOE: O.K., all right

NORMA: You can't come to my New Year's Eve party in that filling-station shirt

JOE: I've been invited somewhere else on New Year's Eve

NORMA: Where?

JOE: Artie Green. He's an old friend of mine

NORMA: I can't do without you, Joe, I need you

I've sent out every single invitation

JOE: All right, Norma, I give in

NORMA: Of course you do

And when they've dressed you

You'll cause a sensation

SALESMEN: We equip the chosen few of Movieland

MANFRED: The latest cut

SALESMEN: We dress every movie star and crooner

From their shiny toecaps to their hatband

MANFRED: Conceal your gut

You won't regret selecting the vicuna

SALESMEN: If you need a hand to shake

If there's a girl you want to make

If there's a soul you're out to capture

Or a heart you want to break

If you want the world to love you

MANFRED: You'll have to learn to take

SALESMEN: And gracefully accept the role you're playing

MANFRED: You will earn every cent the lady's paying

SALESMEN: So why not have it all?

MANFRED: Now that didn't hurt, did it?

SALESMEN: The lady's paying!