Channel 5: The Musical (Studio)

Tonight at 10

The world is ending again

And we know why and when

So you better watch

We got a bit with some feminist chick

And also a picture of a starlet's crotch!

Two people died, a double homicide

Their bodies found inside of a wishing well

And we tackle the flaws in these obesity laws

In this segment that's sponsored by Taco Bell

We've got violence, danger, ***, and drugs

And it's awesome cause all of it's real!

We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel...

All of this and more and live

Only on the Channel 5 News!

We've got Chip Walker, live at the scene, with breaking news! Chip are you there?

Chip Walker here

Am I coming in clear?

I'm standing near

To the scene of the crime

This Iraqi guy's shop

Seemed a newsworthy spot

So we've been gathering shots here for quite some time

Today, real fast

The owner's daughter passed

We grabbed a shot of her ass

While the owner was near

Then he struck my chest

And now he's under arrest

And now you people have one less man to fear

This family's angry, crying, sad, and lost

And it's awesome, cause all of it's real!

I do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel...

More as this develops live

Only on the Channel 5 News

We go now to Max Stevens, with the weather for the weekend

What are we looking at here, Max: umbrellas or picnic baskets?

Max? Max?!

We're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by

Alright, we got a signal. Cut to Max

Good evening, hi

It's your weather guy

I advise you to buy another lightning rod

We didn't catch this impending disaster

Maybe it's natural, maybe it's God (he's off script)

The sliding mud

The incoming flood (he's off script)

Will never wash the blood

From my greedy old hands! (he's off script, cut to the commercial)

This job was fun, I had a pretty good run

But I've never been one to give in to demands (he's off script, cut to the commercial!)

People are angry, crying, sad, and lost

And it's awful cause all of it's real!

We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel...

All of this and more and live

Only on the Channel 5-

Only on the Channel 5-

Only-only-on-

We're back

News

Only on the Channel 5 News