Intro

Intro （）-Bo Burnham

This is Bo Burnham

He's 22years old

He's a male and he looks like the genetic product

Of a giraffe having sex with Ellen Degeneres

He has a gigantic head and tiny nipples

He's isolated himself over the last five years in the pursuit of comedy

And in doing so has lost touch with reality

You're an asshole Bo You hear me

You think you know better than me

You think you know better than everybody

You will die alone and you will deserve it

But in the meantime you might as well tell those silly jokes of yours

See if that helps

You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny

But now you're contraction-ally obligated

So dance you f**king monkey

Dance monkey dance

Welcome to the show

This is Bo this is his show

And Bo likes to dance like this

Welcome to the show this is Bo

This is his show and Bo takes off his pants like this

Play an invisible drum

Play an invisible trumpet trumpet sound

Drink some invisible water

Oh sh*t That water's real

Bo wants to make you feel comfortable

Bo wants to make you feel comfortable

Bo wants to make you feel comfortable

So sit back relax and enjoy a healthy dose of

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

Lick your lips to make it more comforting

Do you want to see a magic trick

Do you want to see a magic trick

Do you want to see a magic trick

Then pick a card any card-Psyche

Magic isn't real you idiot read a book

Magic isn't real you idiot read a book

Magic isn't real you idiot read a book

Magic isn't real or is it

And at that moment

Bo's 20year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder

He never knew there could be so much magic in the world

It's a world of possibilities Bo

What do you want to do first Run

Yeah sure you can run

Fly Well yeah you can fly

What What are you what the f**k are you do

What the f**k are you doing

Stop st-stop it

What the f-you f**king idiot stop stop stop

Anyways In the distance Bo saw a beautiful fairy

A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud

About being called one in high school

He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard

Bo knew he'd have to answer a riddle to get by

The troll spoke thus:

Alright for the last time man I'm not a troll I'm homeless

Ok do you have any spare change

Ok that's a used napkin I don't want that

No no stop just you know what leave just leave please leave '

And then as Bo arrived on the other side of the stage

He saw a unicorn with five horns right in front of him

And the pentacorn spoke thus:

Hello Bo I've been looking for you for quite a long t-ugh '

He was safe for now

But the dark thoughts would soon return

It's Godzilla

It's so hard to be a lizard

It's hard to be a lizard

Tiny arms itchy gizzard

It's hard to be a lizard

But it's harder to segue

Is he skiing or is he in a gay porn

Is he skiing what or is he in a gay porn

Is he skiing huh or is he in a gay porn

Here's a hint he's in a gay porn

Ok Bo this miming sh*t is getting pretty annoying

So give them the real thing

My voice is so f**king natural

It's naturally good

Naturally good

Naturally good

This is the end of the song and the beginning of the show

Welcome to the show

That lizard part was pretty f**king stupid

We're recording part of the CD tonight and yeah

Good to start off with eight minutes of mime jokes for the CD

I want to start off with a joke for the fellas

I don't feel like I connect with my men

In the audience as well as

I do with my prepubescent girls

So where my fellas at Fellas

Yo fellas don't you hate it when you're sucking a guy's ****

And he ends up being a faggot Am I right

These f**king faggots with their tasty ****s

Alright if you'd like to leave during

The show the exit signs are marked clearly in red

Sort of a orangish/reddish/fiery red

So we'll be f**ked if we need them

But we can see them now

This show is called 'what '

And I hope there are some surprises geez

I knocked the water over by accident

He meant to knock the water over yeah yeah yeah

But you all thought it was an accident

But he meant to knock the water over yeah yeah yeah

Art is lie nothing is real

So it's called 'what 'and it's about hey cool it

He meant to knock the water over yeah yeah yeah

But you all thought it was an

Just take it off repeat and it won't repeat

This is the good thing

We can edit all this in the actual CD recording

He meant to play the track again yeah yeah yeah

But you all thought it was an accident

But he meant to play the water track again-gain-gain

Art's still a lie nothing's still real

What's the deal with segues

Food jokes

How you guys doing up in the nosebleeds up top

Yes the nosebleeds where the coc*ine is done

I had a hotdog for breakfast

In Madison actually this morning

And yeah afterwards I felt like this whoa whoa

Because I couldn't control my stools Alright Jesus

For the people listening I moved the stool around a lot

This is gonna get difficult

But I'm glad you like poop-based puns

That'll be a majority of the show so

Never waste a moment

Every moment can become a comedy moment see

Thank you so much I am