Asian Bride Magazine

I opened up a copy Asian Bride Magazine

The lady inside was so white, was so clean

The hairs on her arms could hardly be seen

Thanks to L'Oreal's skin and hair lightening cream

If I bleached my skin and if I shaved my arms, I still wouldn't look like no light-skinned Khan

And as my dad used to say to my face

"Aiyoh, Sasha, you look like an African" Was that just because of my baggy jeans?

Or just because as I'd say "Dad, must be in the genes"?

Or is it coz I'm tall and they're all so small

That I'd get called Nigger by Pakis hanging at the mall?

Doctor, lawyer, dentist if you fail--

Who's gonna care for you when you become frail?

Harvard, Berkeley, North London and Yale

Get an education, marry someone pale!

Pale, fair-- but not white,

A man who's at least a half of your height

Asian, yeah, but better not be dark Those deep dark browns only bring on the frowns

Brown on the outside, white on the inside

You're just a coconut they turned into a bounty

Brown on the outside, white on the inside

You're just a paki, but you're cool on the flipside

Brown on the outside, white on the inside

You're just a coconut they turned into a bounty

Brown on the outside, white on the inside

You stink of curry, but you're cool on the flipside

They don't wanna see you coming home with white man

They don't wanna see you coming home with black man

They don't wanna see you coming home with any kind of man,

But if you came home with a woman, they wouldn't be your biggest fan

They just wanna see you hitched up with one of the clan

If you put your wealth together then you'll be much richer than

The Patels round the corner and the Ratnasinghams

"Anay baba get a job or you'll never find a man!"

No I aint Mingita, the *****-eating paki--

I just don't give a **** about getting married

Just coz I don't shave my moustache, my eyebrows join together and my nose is large

You lot think I'm unfit for marriage that all I can cook is frozen chicken nuggets

That my life in the trailer park is somewhat savage

And my mates are a bunch of dreaded homeless faggets

Thank you, L'Oreal now there's products for us

Daily use gonna help us to pretend that we're high-caste

Bleach our skin, lighten our moustache

Now L'Oreal are coming in on the march

You know that they can smell the cash to be made

On vain middle-class Asians who just love to bathe

Arty-farty, you will become poor

Eat, baba, eat in the kitchen there is more

Degree, degree, hang it on the wall Brought you to this country, what happened to y'all?!

Hymen, hymen, it better be intact Pappadum preach now I'm frying in the fat

Achar, achar, hymen is intact

I never used a tampon-- really that's a fact