I'm Almost Happy Here

I think I'm almost happy here

But I will never regret venturing despite fear

Because everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive

So if this is reality

Then I guess I don't regret the nights I thought that I had died

'Cause sometimes I feel like nothing, and nothing ever changes

When changes consume me through these changing stages

Everything we could have done differently is now just a memory

And the love I hoped for is hanging on a rope

And it's funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken

Through this constant collapse, the thought of relapse

I guess it's safe to throw our bones back in the sea

I guess it's safe to throw our bones back in the sea

With this saltwater for blood and fear of falling in love

I'm almost happy here, but I'm still moving

I just want us to run wild, young beauty

Because I always thought I would be okay

And some days, I still feel the same

But every day the same way I feel afraid to embrace grace

'Cause I know I don't deserve it

And I know that I can't earn this

And I know that I can hurt this heart that I have grown within

But it's a given to even someone as sick as me

Now I can breathe seeing that I'm not living in apathy

So I guess we'll throw our bones back into the sea

I guess it's safe to throw our bones back into the sea

Come with me and I hope I stay alive

Because ghosts can't love through this broke love

And turn to above in a quick dash

Feel the impact on this car crash

And pray to God I can be forgiven

And have my friends back

Where we sleep is where we dream, and I haven't slept for days

REM cycles are a memory of when I was sitting in a dorm room

Thinking of how much greener the grass would be

If I became a touring act someday

But now I'm dreaming or sinking

Most nights they feel the same, since I can lose one friend

Lose all friends, and still not keep those demons at bay

And I said all my friends are trees with the roots in the earth

What hurts is that the branches in a community

We've labeled our hearts into a collective scene

Into a collective faithless dream

Of empty courage and empty hearts

Hollow light, hollow lovers, always falling apart

So I'll love life and let go

And try my best to understand there's nothing new to know

Though I didn't say it's true, I still feel the same

Like I died with you, and I feel the strain

Taking two steps back on these wooden floorboards

I'll beg for more

And pray this isn't just a retrospective moment

Not just a soul begging for catharsis

But rather the start of a new me and a real movement

God forgive me