From Porterville

There's a solution to every problem

I want us together and I love you

And I don't want you to leave because we're here together

We're not gonna make it out alive without each other

Please don't go

Stay

I chased away a prophecy

Cause there's a side of me that subscribes to thrive in apathy

This blasphemy redeemed the seams inside of me

Feeling better for the red letters

And the sake of breaking from the fair weather to fulfill my capacity

When my love for anything is a mirage of joy with petty jokes and laughing

I wanted to be the next prophet

But once I got sick I started chasing prophets

Performing for an audience and plotting this artifice

Of sacrifice and rolling dice to silence a mistress

Kissing the lips of a nihilist

Every secret I ever had is back on a discount rack

For sale to a consumer that doesn't know any better

Living in this fair weather

Cause I can't love anything that doesn't look like me

But doesn't love like you

And I learned to love Jesus before I learned to love me

And now I can see why I have this fast paced

In-your-face approach grace, but no self esteem

So I desperately sing

One time for the sake of payment

One time for the sake of rendering

One time for the sake of self-proclamation

But saying it's all for ministry

Hindering the thinking of the petty weeks

I spent writing and fighting the silence

The past doesn't change because the future tells it to and

I'm telling you I'm selling you the swelling youth in melting skin

Within this dim-lit broken fist to finally balance salute

Cause I love you

And I fed us all truth, made another excuse

Cause it's easier to say I love you too than to point blank say I love you

It's nothing but a broken melody and I'm sorry but I'm still listening

Cause I was not smart enough to question this

But I was foolish enough to try

Once we get honest, it's so pretentious

But watered down is so cowardice

And I'm a little bit of both

Just trying to push a boulder over a mountain just to watch it fall

Praying to God it doesn't fall again

Every thought that ate me alive was published for public consumption

Is there anything more pathetic than packaging honesty as entertainment?

Existing extremes feeding pain and big dreams

Were the epitome of self hate or were the epitome of self praise

And none of us know what love means

So darling salt the wound so I won't forget

That every moment I'm not with you is a moment I'm in regret

And I love you now but I won't know you when I'm dead

Cause the response to a generation that did too little

Was to do too much now we're both sick

Cause I saw when you were drowning I was wearing a grin

So I'll leave you now before the thick of it

Cause darling I can promise you this:

I love you, but I'm also sick

And I hope you can see some day this will make sense

Like back when I told you I was old

I was told I would make some money

We'll shove out another hit and call it 'Nicole'

And every echo needs a voice and every echo has a choice

But I didn't choose you