Getting Married Today

[VICAR]

Bless this day

Pinnacle of joy

Boy unites with boy

The heart leaps up to behold

This golden day

[PAUL]

Today is for Jamie

Jamie, I give you the rest of my days

To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever

Today is for Jamie

My lover, my partner, my life

[JAMIE]

Pardon me, is everybody there? Because if everybody's there, I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding,

I'd appreciate your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things to do, and not a word of this to Paul,

remember Paul, you know, the man I'm gonna marry, but I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is-

But I thank you all

For the gifts and the flowers

Thank you all

Now it's back to the showers

Don't tell Paul

But I'm not getting married today

[VICAR]

Bless this day

Opposite of joy

Boy gets yoked to boy

The heart sinks down and feels dead

This dreadful day

[JAMIE]

Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for, a wedding, what's a wedding, it's a prehistoric ritual where everybody promises fidelity forever, which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, which is followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize he's saddled with a nut, and wanna kill me, like he should-

So listen, thanks a bunch

But I'm not getting married-

Go have brunch

'Cause I'm not getting married-

You've been grand

But I'm not getting married-

Don't just stand there

I'm not getting married-

And don't tell Paul

But I'm not getting married today

Go, can't you go?

Why is no-

Body listening?

Goodbye

Go and cry

At some other person's wake

If you're quick

For a kick

You could pick

Up a christening

But please

On my knees

There's a human life at stake!

Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear, or do you want to see a crazy person fall apart in front of you, it isn't only Paul who may be ruining his life, you know we'll both of us be losing our identities, I telephoned my shrink and he said maybe I should come and see him Monday, but by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage-

I'm not well

So I'm not getting married-

You've been swell

But I'm not getting married-

Clear the hall

'Cause I'm not getting married-

Thank you all

But I'm not getting married-

And don't tell Paul

But I'm not getting married today

[VICAR]

Bless this fool

Totally insane

Slipping down the drain

And bless this day in our hearts

As it starts

To rain

[PAUL]

Today is for Jamie

[JAMIE]

Go, can't you go?

[PAUL]

Jamie, I give you the rest of my days

[JAMIE]

Look, you know

I adore you all

But why

Watch me die

When I'm only being nice?

[PAUL]

To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever

[JAMIE]

Look, perhaps

I'll collapse

In the apse

Right before you all

So take

Back the cake

Burn the shoes

And boil the rice

[PAUL]

Today is for Jamie, my lover, my partner, my life

[JAMIE]

Look, I didn't wanna have to

Tell you, but I may be coming

Down with hepatitis, and I

Think I'm gonna faint, so if

You wanna see me faint, I'll

Do it happily, but wouldn't

It be funnier to go and watch

A funeral, so thank you for the

Twenty-seven dinner plates

And thirty-seven salad bowls

And forty-seven picture frames

Fifty-seven candleholders-

One more thing-

[JAMIE]

I am not getting married!

[CHOIR]

Amen!

[PAUL]

Softly said-

[JAMIE]

But I'm not getting married!

[CHOIR]

Amen!

[PAUL]

With this ring-

[JAMIE]

Still I'm not getting married!

[CHOIR]

Amen!

[PAUL]

I thee wed

[JAMIE]

See, I'm not getting married!

[CHOIR]

Amen!

[PAUL] [JAMIE]

Let us pray Let us pray

That we are getting married That I'm not getting married

Today! Today!

[CHOIR]

AMEN!