Talkin' John Birch Blues

Well, I was feelin' sad and feelin' blue,

I didn't know what in the world I was gonna do,

Them Communists they wus comin' around,

They wus in the air,

They wus on the ground.

They wouldn't gimme no peace. . .

So I run down most hurriedly

And joined up with the John Birch Society,

I got me a secret membership card

And started off a-walkin' down the road.

Oh boy, I'm a real John Bircher now!

Look out,you commies！

Now we all agree with ***' views,

Although he killed six million Jews.

It don't matter too much that he was a Fascist,

At least you can't say he was a Communist!

That's to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria.

Well, I wus lookin' everywhere for them Reds.

I got up in the mornin' 'n' looked under my bed,

Looked the stove, behind the door,

Looked in the glove compartment of my car.

Couldn't find 'em . . .

I wus lookin' everything behind the chair.

I wus lookin' for them Reds everywhere,

I looked way up my chimney hole,

I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.

They got away . . .

Well, I wus sittin' home alone an' started to sweat,

Figured they wus in my T.V. set.

I peeked behind the picture frame,

Got a shock from my feet, hittin' right up in the brain.

Them Reds did it!

I know they did . . . them hard-core ones.

I quit my job so I could work alone,

Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes.

Followed some clues from my detective bag

And discovered they wus red stripes on the American flag!

Ol' Betty Ross . . .

Well, I investigated all the books in the library,

Ninety percent of 'em gotta be burned away.

I investigated all the people that I knowed,

Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go.

The other two percent are fellow Birchers . . . just like me.

Now Eisenhower, he's a Russian spy,

Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy.

To my knowledge there's just one man

That's really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell.

I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus.

Well, I fin'ly started thinkin' straight

When I run outa things to investigate.

Couldn't imagine doin' anything else,

So now I'm sittin' home investigatin' myself!

Hope I don't find out nothing . . . hmm, great God!