Draft Dodger Rag

Oh I'm just a typical American boy

from a typical American town

I believe in God and Senator Dodd

and a keeping old Castro down

And when it came my time to serve

I knew better dead than red

But when I got to my old draft

board buddy

this is what I said

Sarge I'm only eighteen

I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat

and my feet are flat

and my asthma's getting worse

Yes think of my career

my sweetheart dear

and my poor old invalid aunt

Besides I ain't no fool

I'm a going to school

And I'm working in a dee fense plant

I've got a dislocated disc

and a racked up back

I'm allergic to flowers and bugs

And when the bombshell hits,

I get epileptic fits

And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs

I got the weakness woes,

I can't touch my toes

I can hardly reach my knees

And if the enemy ever came close to me

Well, I'd probably start to sneeze

I'm only eighteen,

I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat,

and my feet are flat

My asthma's getting worse

Consider my career,

my sweetheart dear

My poor old invalid aunt

Besides, I ain't no fool,

I'm a going to school

And I'm working in a defense plant

I hate Chou En Lai,

and I hope he dies

But I think you gotta see

That if someone's gotta go over there

That someone isn't me

So, have a ball, Sarge,

watch em fall

Yeah, kill me a thousand or so

And if you ever get a war

without any gore

Well, I'll be the first to go

yes, I'm only eighteen,

I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat,

and my feet are flat

My asthma's getting worse

yes consider my career,

my sweetheart dear

my rubber tree plant

Besides, I ain't no fool,

I'm a going to school

And I'm working in a defense plant