A Little Priest

MS. LOVETT:

Seems a downright shame…

TODD (spoken):

Shame?

MS. LOVETT:

Seems an awful waste…

Such a nice plump frame

Wots his name has

Had…has…

Nor he can’t be traced

Business needs a lift

Debts to be erased

Think of it as thrift, as a gift

If you get my drift

Seems and awful waste

I mean...with the price of meat wot it is

When you get it, if you get it

TODD:

Ah…

MS. LOVETT:

Good you got it

Take for instance Ms. Mooney and her pie shop

Business never better using only ***** cats and toast

Now a *****’s good for maybe six or seven at the most

And I’m sure they can’t compare as far as taste

(simultaneously)

TODD:

Ms. Lovett, what a charming notion

Eminently practical

MS. LOVETT:

Well it does seem a waste!

TODD:

And yet appropriate as always

Ms. Lovett, how I’ve lived without you all these years

I’ll never know!

How delectable!

Also undetectable!

MS. LOVETT:

Think about it

Lots of other gentlemen’ll soon be coming in for a shave

Won’t they?

Think of

All them

Pies!

TODD:

How choice!

How rare!

For what’s the sound of the world out there?

MS. LOVETT:

What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd

What is that sound?

TODD:

Those crunching noises pervading the air!

MS. LOVETT:

Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes Mr. Todd

Yes all around

TODD:

It’s man devouring man, my dear!

BOTH:

Then who are we to deny it in here?

TODD (spoken):

These are desperate times, Ms. Lovett

And desperate measures are called for

MS. LOVETT:

Here we are. Hot out of the oven

TODD:

What is that?

MS. LOVETT:

Its priest

Have a little priest

TODD:

Is it really good?

MS. LOVETT:

Sir, it’s too good, at least

Then again they don’t commit sins of the flesh

So it’s pretty fresh

TODD:

Awful lot of fat

MS. LOVETT:

Only where it sat

TODD:

Haven’t you got poet or something like that?

MS. LOVETT:

No you see the trouble with poet

Is how do you know it’s deceased?

Try the priest!

Lawyer’s rather nice

TODD:

If it’s for a price

MS. LOVETT:

Order something else, though, to follow

Since no one should swallow it twice

TODD:

Anything that’s lean?

MS. LOVETT:

Well then if you’re British and loyal

You might enjoy royal marine

Anyway it’s clean

Though of course it tastes of wherever it’s been!

TODD:

Is that squire on the fire?

MS. LOVETT:

Mercy no, sir, look closer

You’ll notice its grocer!

TODD:

Looks thicker, more like vicar

MS. LOVETT:

No, it has to be grocer

It’s green!

TODD:

The history of the world, my love

MS. LOVETT:

Save a lot of graves

Do a lot of relatives favors

TODD:

Is those below serving those up above!

MS. LOVETT:

Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors

TODD:

How gratifying for once to know

BOTH:

That those above will serve those down below

TODD (spoken):

What is that?

MS. LOVETT:

It’s fop

Finest in the shop

Or we have some shepherds pie peppered

With actual shepherd on top!

And I’ve just begun

Is the politician so oily it’s served with a doily?

Have one!

TODD:

Put it on a bun

Well you never know if it’s going to run!

MS. LOVETT:

Try the friar!

Fried, it’s drier!

TODD:

No!

The clergy is really too coarse and too mealy!

MS. LOVETT:

Then actor!

It’s compacter!

TODD:

Ah, but always arrives overdone

(spoken) I’ll come again when you have judge on the menu

Have charity towards the world, my pet!

MS. LOVETT:

Yes, yes, I know, my love

TODD:

We’ll take the customers that we can get!

MS. LOVETT:

High-born and low, my love!

TODD:

We’ll not discriminate great from small

No, we’ll serve anyone

(simultaneously)

MS. LOVETT:

We’ll serve anyone!

TODD:

Meaning anyone!

BOTH:

And to anyone

At all!