Draft Dodger Rag (Album Version)

I'm just a typical American boy

From a typical American town

I believe in God and Senator Todd

And ain't keeping old Castro down

And when it came my time to serve

I knew better dead than red

But when I got to my old draft board

Buddy, this is what I said

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat

And my asthma's getting worse

Oh, think of my career, my sweetheart dear

My poor old invalid aunt

Beside I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school

And I'm working in a defense plant

I got a dislocated disc and a racked up back

I'm allergic to flowers and bugs

And when the bombshells hit, I get epileptic fits

And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs

I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes

I can hardly reach my knees

And if the enemy came close to me

I'd probably start to sneeze

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat

And my asthma's getting worse

Oh think of my career, my sweetheart dear

And my poor old invalid aunt

Beside I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school

And I'm working in a defense plant

I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies

But I thing you gotta see

That someone's gotta go over there

And that someone isn't me

So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em hell

Kill me a thousand or so

And if you ever get a war without blood and gore

Well, I'll be the first to go

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen

And I always carry a purse

I got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat

And my asthma's getting worse

Oh, think of my career, my sweetheart dear

And my poor old invalid aunt

Beside I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school

And I'm working in a defense plant