My Old Man's A Dustman

Now here's a little story to tell

It is a must about an unsung hero

That moves away your dust

Some people make a fortune, others earn a mint

My old man don't earn much

In fact he's flippin' skint

Oh, my old man's a dustman

He wears a dustman's hat, he wears cor-blimey trousers

And he lives in a council flat

He looks a proper nana in his great big hobnail boots

He's got such a job to pull them up

That he calls 'em daisy roots

Some folks give tips at Christmas, and some of them forget

So when he picks their bins up, he spills some on the step

Now one old man got nasty and to the council wrote

Next time my old man went 'round there, he punched him up the throat

Oh my old man's a dustman

He wears a dustman's hat, he wears cor-blimey trousers

And he lives in a council flat

Lonnie: I say, I say, Les

Les: Yes?

Lonnie: I, er, I found a police dog in my dustbin

Les: Well how do you do know he's a police dog?

Lonnie: He had a policeman with him

Though my old man's a dustman, he's got an 'eart of gold

He got married recently, though he's eighty-six years old

We said "'Ere, hang on, Dad, you're getting past your prime"

He said "Well, when you get to my age, it helps to pass the time."

Oi! My old man's a dustman

He wears a dustman's hat, he wears cor-blimey trousers

And he lives in a council flat

_I say, I say, I say!

_Huh

Lonnie: My dustbin's full of lilies

Les: Well throw 'em away then!

Lonnie: I can't. Lily's wearing them

Now one day whilst in a hurry, he missed a lady's bin

He hadn't gone but a few yards when she chased after him

"What game do you think you're playing?" “

She cried right from the 'eart

"You've missed me, am I too late?" “

"No, jump up on the cart!" “

Oi! My old man's a dustman

He wears a dustman's hat, he wears cor-blimey trousers

And he lives in a council flat

Lonnie: I say, I say, I say!

_Not you again!

Lonnie: My dustbin's absolutely full with toadstools

Les: How do you know it's full?

Lonnie: 'Cause there's not mushroom inside

He found a tiger's head one day nailed to a piece of wood

The tiger looked like miserable

But I suppose he should

Just then from out a window, a voice began to wail

It said "Oi! Where's me tiger's head?" “

"Four foot from his tail." “

Oh my old man's a dustman

He wears a dustman's hat, he wears cor-blimey trousers

And he lives in a council flat

Next time you see a dustman

Looking all pale and sad

Don't kick him in the dustbin

It might be my old dad