Suffocating

I’m tired man…

Sometimes I just sit in my room and hold my breath

And let all the pressure and anxiety build up

And just let the time pass by

At first, I couldn’t breathe

Now I’m suffocating

Maybe the pressure from the fame isn’t worth what I’m chasing

I used to say God’s playing,

Now the devil’s on my team acting foul and it’s all flagrant

Tryna push me off the path that I’m steady paving

Sin is the currency and every day I’m making payments

I don’t wanna live in it but I heard a saying

“Good knows evil cause the houses are both adjacent”

I don’t know if I should go for these goals

I’ve seen people gain the world but lose their souls

My anxiety is building as the weight of it grows

I succumb myself in privacy inside my home

And I barely answer calls and when I see my phone

I’m reminded that the real feeling of being alone is having millions

Who love you but can leave you or say that they hate you

At the moment they don’t **** with a song

I used to laugh it off

Now I hold my breath and suffocate

Then I sit and wait just to see if I can kill the hate

And as I’m fleeting I see God at the heaven’s gates

Then come back down to fight another day

Then I grab that same phone and smile and wave

And pour my empty heart into a song that they won’t praise

They say patience is the key but they didn’t tell me,

While I wait I’ll be locked inside a steel cage

Something’s wrong, I feel claustrophobic

I’m stuck living in the past and not the moment

Or the future where my life is only more broken

Cause those wounds from the past are still open

I take sips of love and every single time it’s poison I see

Women who can’t see past my employment

Or see me as enjoyment so I can’t enjoy it cause the ride’s temporary

And they leave once they crash and destroy it

I don’t think this life is healthy, why didn’t anybody tell me?

Everybody want help but nobody wanna help me

I’m an ATM, a therapist and everybody’s friendly

And they hide their real intentions but my mind won’t let me

If I make a sad song, don’t ask me if I’m happy

**** a hook, my pain isn’t catchy

If you relate, or worse feel badly,

****ing pity me at least and check in if you at me

That’s the only way I’ll know who it touches

That’s why I stay awake and answer DMs by the hundreds

So I don’t lose myself and fill my stomach with the feeling that

I’m here just to suffocate for nothing

If you know real pain then you see it when you look me in my eyes

I try to hide it but they do not lie

I wanna sleep but if I try,

The demons who creep in my dreams will collide

So I stay up and I stare at the ceiling

And ask myself if I should even share these feelings

Then I hear a voice in the distance from a ghost-like image

Saying my pain could be somebody’s healing

So I close my eyes and drift to the place that inspires these lyrics

And as I see flames and I scream,

I pray it’s a place you’ll never have to visit