Don'cha Pinch Me Charlie

CHARLIE: Grandpa Joe, how d’ja know

That I’d be coming home today

With something good, something gold

Something special that I can hold

Mr. Wonka, how d’ja do?

Tomorrow morning I’ll be seeing you!

GRANDPA JOE, spoken: Charlie… what is it?

CHARLIE, spoken: Grandpa Joe… we won!

GRANDPA JOE: Charlie, get my uniform from high upon the shelf

And dust off all the years since it’s been worn

I admit for quite a while

I haven’t been me self

But spread the news!

A new Joe has been born

The Bucket Family: (gasp)

GRANDPA JOE: Though I haven’t walked in years

Change my oil and check my gears

Give my hair a clip and whip my shaving cream

But don’t, don’t

Don'cha pinch me, Charlie

I don’t wanna wake up from this golden dream

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE, spoken: Joe! What are you doing?

GRANDPA JOE, spoken: We are going to visit a chocolate factory!

GRANDPA GEORGE, spoken: But, Joe, you can’t walk!

GRANDPA JOE, spoken: Walk? I could run a four minute mile. Just like I did in the ’48 Olympics.

(sung) Josephina, get the thread and needle from the kit

I’m sure the moths have had a woolly chew

And you won’t have to “alterate” me trousers will still fit

Cause I haven’t et since I was 22

While your mother starts to dress me

And your dad can iron and press me

Press the pedal to the kettle for the steam

But don’t, don’t

Don'cha pinch me, Charlie

I don’t wanna wake up from this golden dream

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE, spoken: It’s a miracle!

GRANDPA GEORGE, spoken: It’s an accident waiting to happen.

GRANDPA JOE: Oh, Charlie, if I’m sleepin’

Let my dreaming heart keep leapin’

Cause the cabbage-y days have gone without a trace (ALL: Woah!)

GRANDPA JOE: And if I never waken

What a trip I will have taken

You can bury me with a smile upon my face

Woah! Charlie, get my dancing shoes from out the Pullman trunk

And get ready for the Bucket buck-and-wing (ALL: Joe!)

I don’t need a pint of whiskey

Cause I already feel drunk

You’re intoxicating as the first of spring

Yes, I’m creaky and I’m olden

But your ticket, oh, so golden

‘S’got me floatin’ like I’m boatin’ down the stream

But don’t, don’t

Don'cha pinch me, Charlie

I don’t wanna wake up from this golden dream

(spoken) Come on, Josephine, George, Georgina! Get up, get out of bed… We’re not going to take this lying down!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Tell those bluebirds down in Dover

Empty bucket days are over

GRANDPA GEORGE: We’ll have no more cabbage suppers

Now I’ll have to wear me uppers

MRS. BUCKET: While the whole world travels steerage

MR. BUCKET: We’ll be listed in Burke’s Peerage

GRANDMA GEORGINA: Well, the first thing we should do is to down a pint or two!

GRANDPA JOE: From underneath me fallen arches

I’ll lead military marches

MR. BUCKET: With our luck we’ll play the horses

GRANDPA GEORGE: We can even get divorces!

MRS. BUCKET: We’ll be royal!

CHARLIE: We’ll be posh!

GRANDMA GEORGINA: Does that mean I’ll have to wash?

GRANDPA JOE: A little travelling music please

THE BUCKET FAMILY: I’m surprised we still have knees!

JERRY: Cherry, where are you?

CHERRY: Jerry, I’m in a shack, where unlikely urchin Charlie Bucket has won the very last Golden Ticket. Charlie, how do you feel?

CHARLIE: Oh, when the sun came out today

My life was still the same

I picked the same old rubbish after school

Then suddenly a chocolate bar

Was calling out my name

And showing me the Wonka golden rule

I never flew a kite that flies

Never ever won a prize

Was always sick when they would pick the winning team

But don’t, don’t don'cha pinch your… ALL: Charlie!

CHARLIE: I don’t wanna wake up from this golden dream

(spoken) Take it away, Grandpa Joe!

GRANDPA JOE: Well, I was always certain

That my luck would never change

I lost the will to ever leave me bed (GRANDPARENTS: Ever leave our bed)

All my four leaf clovers wilted

And my rabbit’s foot had mange (THE BUCKET FAMILY: Mange)

The genie in the bottle turned up dead (THE BUCKET FAMILY: Quite dead)

GRANDPARENTS: Seemed like nobody could hear us

No parade would ever cheer us

GRANDPA JOE: Ah, but major luck now plays our Bucket theme (THE BUCKET FAMILY: Ba ba ba ba!

So don’t, don’t don'cha pinch me, Charlie

I don’t wanna wake up from this golden dream

THE BUCKET FAMILY: Yes, we’re feeling optimistic

Though a touch somnambulistic

Please don’t startle us 'cause we must be in a trance

It’s so dreamy that we hope ya

Someday visit our utop’ya

Why just walk in your sleep

When you can sing and dance

Go on, Charlie!

GRANDPA JOE: With both me feet back on the floor

It’s like the day we won the war

And the victory is all because of you

THE BUCKET FAMILY: So now hip, hip, hip hooray for

Hip, hip, hip hooray for

GRANDPA JOE: Hip, hip, hip hooray for

THE BUCKET FAMILY: Charlie-

GRANDPA JOE: You’re the one who made our golden dreams come true

ALL: Hip! Hip!