28 Butts

It's a typical day in the universe

Another MC spits a puny verse

I try to get through my day without sayin a curse

Because I curse too much and such and such

I try to improve my vocabulary

I try to cut out eatin meat and dairy

I wanna bring back the days of the tooth fairy

Cause I lost my innocence

I'm young and dumb and old and wise at the same time

Cause I know Jesus was a rock star

And it was Elvis who turned water into wine

I wanna save a kangaroo from a life in a zoo

I wanna own a llama, I want less drama in my life

I think I really wanna be a happy housewife

I got 28 butts in the ashtray

I gotta pace myself, I'm smokin like a chimney

Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied

I know you wouldn't put it past me

I really know how to party, reminisce about the day

When I was swiggin my Bacardi

28 butts in the ashtray because it's just me

Keepin myself company

I think back all the days I was smokin carawhack

It was really kinda like an addiction, non fiction

Just readin my days and nights away

I used to pray to a funny little fat man

Til I found out he was Santa Clause

Cause Saint Nick never brought ****

And there I go cursin again

I'm my only friend and I'm definitely my very worst enemy

It kinda triggers a memory, let's bring it back to 83

When I ate a watermelon, swallowed the seeds

Suddenly there was a watermelon growin in my tummy

I skipped a jump rope, every time I jumped up

I heard a rattle that sounded like a tambourine

I got 28 butts in the ashtray

I gotta pace myself, I'm smokin like a chimney

Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied

I know you wouldn't put it past me

I really know how to party, reminisce about the day

When I was swiggin my Bacardi

28 butts in the ashtray cause it's just me

Keepin myself company

Hey mama, are you proud of me?

I applied for a job at MickeyD's

I gotta do somethin with my life

Because my idle time is eatin me

Like I'm a super sized french fry

Drenched in ketchup, fryin over patch up

But I know I taste better than that

Like they used to taste before they outlawed trans fat

I got 28 butts in the ashtray

I gotta pace myself, I'm smokin like a chimney

Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied

I know you wouldn't put it past me

I really know how to party, reminisce about the day

When I was swiggin my Bacardi

28 butts in the ashtray because it's just me

Keepin myself company