Support Tours

I don’t want to leave my home to do a tour with crummy pay

But if they make an offer to you whatcha really gonna say?

It’s hard to play an empty room, it’s hard to book a tour

So you pray some bigger band might say that you can come support

It might be a hassle, it’s a tragedy, a parody

But how you gonna haggle when you know it’s only charity?

Support tours, it’s iffy, $250 at the best, but they know a thousand others who would do the tour for less

Support tours, you gotta understand the situation, a band needs having patience for the vast humiliation

So you hit the open road and ate a lot of crazy gravel

With good songs and decent merch I always found a way to travel

But you found that booking tours can be more trouble than it’s worth

Who'd see your unknown band when there’s ten million on the Earth?

So the bassists scan the web for any tours that get announced on it

And if no support’s confirmed that’s when you take a leap and pounce on it

Support tours, drummers who are nice can turn cold-hearted

So you can’t return them home owning less money than they started

Support tours, the bassist has to grit those teeth and face it

Pay to stay in hotel? No way! It’s work, not a vacation

And after many sleazy years you nearly have your own career

And you can book a little tour and you can pick where you appear

Now you pick the tour supports so of course like chicken pox

Every band you ever met all pop up quick in you inbox

And they wanna know if there’s support acts that are yet confirmed

So you make them awful offers cause I guess it’s just your turn

Support tours, I’m in it for the money, is that funny?

I’m a working class musician with no funding in my country

Support tours, I’m thinking out my best when I get desparate

Find a way to make it pay cause it’s my job not an investment

Support tours, the sweet and sour secret of the trade

You learn to squeeze in every way to turn the lemons lemonade

Support tours, I gotta find a way to make it work

Till I just cut so many corners I get dizzy from the circle

I don’t want to leave my home to do a tour with crummy pay

But if they make an offer to you whatcha really gonna say?

"Hey Jeffrey, nice to hear from you

Yeah we have availed April 11 to May 15

The tour starts in Omaha, you’ll be the first act out of three

The budget is $50 to $150 a night, but I’ll see if I can up that a little in the major markets for you

But we can’t have you on the bill in Portland, San Francisco, or Seattle, cause we were just down there last month

Let us know what you say, we’re announcing tomorrow"

Oh, terrible offer, let me think about it...Yes!