The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention please

May I have your attention please

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up

I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up

We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced throwing her over furniture (Ah!)

It's the return of the "Ah wait no way you're kidding

He didn't just say what I think he did did he"

And Dr. Dre said nothing you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead he's locked in my bas***nt! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

"Slim Shady I'm sick of him

Look at him walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who" "Yeah but he's so cute though!"

Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's c******s is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel don't they

"We ain't nothing but mammals" Well some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose sing the chorus and it goes

'Cause I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records;

Well I do so F*ck him and F*ck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy

Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone stand me

"But Slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears

Yo S**t Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little ***** put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim hee-hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who just don't give a F*ck like me

Who dress like me; walk talk and act like me

It just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

'Cause I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the b***s to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it I just s**t it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion rings

Or in the parking lot circling

Screaming "I don't give a F*ck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So will the real Shady please stand up

And put one of those fingers on each hand up

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

And one more time loud as you can how does it go

'Cause I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

Ha ha

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

F*ck it let's all stand up