Nutcracker

Nutcracker -Straight No Chaser

Hooray it's Christmas time

But there's one lousy tradition

There's a certain show that you will see

That is all and many would agree

It is time to find another show

To substitute for the Nutcracker

I'm watching the game but something's wrong

Staring is my wife her face looks long

I know that look it must be me

It's not our anniversary

I shrug no clue

What did I do

She stands in disbelief

What

This holiday scene brings no laughter

Forced going to see the Nutcracker

I try to block it from my mind

Think fast what reason can I find

Got work to do I'll fake the flu

No chance I'm done I'm screwed

I've seen the Nutcracker 20times

Sure it is fun if you are four

But don't call me a scrooge 'cause it's a bore

The story's dated and that

Masking thing freaks me out

Well guess I'm a guy what can I say

I'd rather watch football than ballet

I tried my hardest not to groan

And pulled the score up on my phone

As I complained it's not the same

We're rushing out the door

All holiday shoppers on the road

My holiday spirit might explode

Of course there is no place to park

We're late the theatres in the dark

In no small feat we find the seat

The shows about to start

Here's that song from Tetris

And I know it's the part

When I fight not to fall asleep

March the wooden

Soldiers bunch of mice

Start the fight land of sweets

Man this stuff's trippy

By the way this story makes no sense

Still don't know what

It means after all these years

So confusing feel like snoozing

Eyes are heavy as I start to dream

Bolt wide awake must've fallen asleep

Guess I didn't snore or make a peep

'Cause my wife had no clue I had been out cold

It's the finale coming up

'Cause there is no beer left in my cup

To make it through I'll need another drink

Snuck out to the lobby oh look I found a TV

I forgot the game was happening

It's down to the wire time will soon expire

Down by one this kick would win it

Hut hut The ball snagged –oh no

The kick's bad right right

No We lost

No How could this night get any worse

Now I'm feeling all depressed

But I still have to act impressed

A pirouette oh wow that's great

A six year old could do that too

So my team lose at the bar

Now dancing dudes in leotards

Last Nutcracker hopefully

But my wife's thinking differently

She leans in closely whispers softly

Can't wait for you to take me next year