Desperation and Grief

Part I: I Used to Feel Everything

I'll lie on my back, and lie to myself.

Pretend that I am fine.

I think that I'm getting better, but I think a lot.

I'll lie on my back and talk to myself, just to pass the time.

I think I'm getting better, but it's getting too much.

You're too much.

Something inside of me is dying and I'm sure of it.

I'm figuring it out, it's my darker half.

It's the part of me that refuses sleep.

It's the part that I would hate to keep.

It's the part I've wanted dead for all of these years.

So I guess it's not that bad.

I swear I'm not a monster, I'm just fighting one.

God knows I can't do this on my own, and I gave up on God, long ago.

So, I guess this is me begging for your help, because there's no one around here anymore.

Something inside of me is dying, and it's killing me.

But I'm figuring it out, it's what you left behind.

It's those words you whispered into my ear, the ones that I believed all last year.

The words that robbed me of my sanity.

You don't know the difference between desperation and grief.

Who gives a **** anyway.

My tear stained eyes have blurred my vision to the point where I can't see what's in front of me.

But I hear your footsteps, I know you're somewhere right behind me.

You don't know the difference between desperation and grief.

Who gives a **** anyway.

Part II: Letting Go

Mother, I swear to God, she's coming home.

She'll paint your walls, she'll make it beautiful again.

Just show her what she needs to feel okay.

I'm letting go of your hand to show you I can do this on my own.

Please believe in me, I swear that I'll see you soon.

This story broke me down, and tore me apart.

So I'll just sit, and watch as winter fades away.