Tell Me Lies About Manchester

I'm John The Postman's nephew

I'm Steven Hanley's niece

And I'm a secret special agent

With the Levenshulme Police

Shaun Ryder is my cousin

Rowetta rubs my feet

And my dad built Abergaldies

The cat food was mine to eat

So stick my legs in Joe Bloggs flares

And tell me lies about Manchester

Oh tell me lies about Manchester

I once saw the *** Pistols

At the Lesser Free Trade Hall

I don't think much to the Gallagher's songs

I could have wrote them all

I've had a pint with every person

Who's ever played in The Fall

And I've had numerous trials for City

'Cos I am mega on the ball

So fill my ears with a Hacienda classic

Stick my legs in Joe Bloggs Flares

And tell me lies about Manchester

Oh tell me lies about Manchester

John Henshaw is my role model

I've looked for Eric twice

I give money to the homeless

And get back through bags of spice

I wrote the Manifesto

In Chethams with Karl Marx

And my bulldog has had a shih tzu, yeah

In every single park

So coat my eyes in Voodoo Rays

Fill my ears with a Hacienda classic

Stick my legs in Joe Bloggs flares

And tell me lies about Manchester

Oh tell me lies about Manchester

So I stop and click my fingers

When things are going well

I've been backstage at the Apollo

Bare tales that I could tell

I get the best designer clobber dead cheap at Cheetham Hill

The Piccadilly Rats are the ones who created the ecstasy pill

So fill my nose with Albanian whiff

Coat my eyes in Voodoo Rays

Fill my ears with a Hacienda classic

Stick my legs in Joe Bloggs flares and tell me lies about Manchester

Oh tell me lies about Manchester

Oh tell me lies about Manchester

Oh tell me lies about Manchester

Tell me lies

Tell me sweet little lies

Oh tell me lies

Tell me sweet little lies

Oh tell me lies

Tell me sweet little lies

Oh tell me lies

Tell me sweet little lies