hands

I always liked how your hands looked

And not just in comparison to mine

They were an artists hands

Calloused from building walls and

Skin covered in clay that cracked as it dried

You see,i have two thoughts before touching someones hands

Are they soft? i hope not

Not too soft,Because four years ago i fell into a hole

So as soon as they touch,I wonder if they’re strong enough

To help pull me to the top and are they cold?

god i hope so

Because mine are so cold.That anytime someone touches them

They ask me if something’s wrong

I know that most people have walls but

I just don’t think mine are the same

You are hiding away,I am trying to escape,I am inside of a cave

Trying to retain the memory of the last time

that i saw the light of the day

And i told you that where i am felt permanent

And you told me to give it time because nothing is

But the minute our hands touched i felt something click

Because they were strong.With the force to dig your nails into the earth

And make the world suddenly stop.And they were cold

Like the metal gears and glass casing Constructing a clock

And i know that i’m not moving fast enough

I know that so much time has already passed us up

And i know that it must be frustrating to stand in front

Of someone who keeps promising you that they’ll get better

Without the evidence to back it up.But you have to trust me

The past is ugly

But i’ll make it to the other side as long as i know

That when i get there i’ll have somebody

Please, i know that i can do this

I just need another half a month.I can pull through this

I just need our hands to touch

You said that you would always look for me in the crowd

With the same eagerness that a child sifts through the lost and found

Searching for anything that felt missing

Never considering what would happen the moment you stopped

As if the moment you’re not looking for an object

Is the moment it stops being lost

I get it, you were cold

But i wanted to be more than just a coat

Clinging onto a body that i was never constructed to hold

Or a mirror to look into when your reflection

Stopped looking like a person that you know

I know that you know the feeling of new clothes

But do you know what it’s like

To sit at the bottom of a box every night

Replaying the fantasy of cold hands reaching inside

To take you home

You said you felt lost when you were found out

The death of our hands on your couch

Was the birth of discovery

That someone elses hands

Could feel cold

And in that sudden rush

I thought of all the hands

That could help me build a home

And none of them looked like yours