Two Pints

Hey Mr Bartender, give me a drink

I wanna cold wet glass with bubbles in it

And that doesn't mean

I can't handle

Anything stronger now, just think

I'll wait a while

I'll have a pint of lager please

And a pack of flakies

Give me a pint of lager please

And a can of baked beans

So hey, Mrs

Tongue Driver, give us a squeeze

But put your coat back down 'cos

I ain't ready to leave

This doesn't mean

I don't wanna take you back

You'll just have to wait for that

I'll have a pint of lager please

A complimentary striptease

Give me a pint of lager please

And a bag of green peas

Take me to the kebab hut

So fill me up with flakes of manky mutton

High up to the top and don't be putting veg on that

Don't want no cabbage patch kebab, a dab of ketchup

Make it red and please make sure the sheep is dead

And throw some peppers in the bag

Would you like chili sauce on that?

And a pint of lager, please

With a pack of flakies

Give me a pint of lager, please

Some soft scoop ice cream

So hey, Mr

Cab Driver, give me some breeze

It's been a long long night and it's repeating on me

And that doesn't mean it's time to

You know what

I mean? Just open the window, geez

I'll have a pint of lager please

Don't give a monkey's

Give me a pint of lager please

And some processed cheese