A Portrait Of

I've been feeling suicidal

And if I need remind you

It's not the coming of my heart and my brain

I was thinking about how great

It would be if I could make the tightness in my chest go away

It's been a while since I've seen God

And I'm not trying to lead him on

But he's always trying to **** me

To the tune of my favorite song

And they're playing "The '59 Sound" in heaven

While the angels were drinking up whiskey and Cokes

It's hard to freeze your anxieties

When your best friends' torching your coat

Your coat

Drop that phone, drink a glass of water

And call me when you get in your bed

I've seen inside your head

And I'm doing the surgery on the parts

That still wish you were dead

'Cause I've lost too many friends

So I'll say it again and again

And again and again

And again and again

And again and again

I'm not trying to say it's easy

But I'm trying to say it's fine

I've still got your demons

And they're not gonna be leaving any time

Any time soon

Any time soon

Any time soon

Any time soon

I'm not trying to say it's easy

But I'm trying to say it's fine

Since I was thirteen I’ve dealt with manic depression

and I had a difficult time comprehending the things that I wanted to be

and I lived a very happy life

and I was turning eighteen and I was doing everything I could to try to make myself feel better

but I felt an absence,

I felt like I needed to die,

I felt like nothing existed

and I felt that I wasn't worthwhile breathing the same air as the ones I loved and my family,

and then it came to the point where I started losing friends who had the same ******* ideas as myself

but I have to be strong and I have to live my life as a continuation of theirs lost

and I have to do everything in my ******* power to be the person that I can be

and live my life the best way I ******* can

and some days it's so hard to ******* stand

and ******* stand

and ******* stand

and ******* stand