Aberdeen

In the community that stresses macho male sexual stories

as a high of all conversation

I was an under-developed immature fat little dude

that never got laid

and was constantly razzed:

“Oh, poor little kid!”

It bothered me more so

because I was horny and frequently had to

make up stories like

“Uh…when I went on vacation I met this chick

and we ****ed and she loved it!”

Etcetera, etcetera…

This typical pubescent problem was an effector

during the height of my problems with my father and stepmom

You know, the typical wicked-stepmom story

And so, I moved to both grandparents and

four sets of aunts' and uncles'

and so fourth and so on within the year

And in eight grade

my mom had no choice to take me in

because my dad packed my stuff and

drove me to her house in the morning

and left me there

She was pissed

I accumulated quite a healthy complex

not to mention the complexion

Then one day I discover the most ultimate form

of expression ever——

Marijua**

Oh boy, POT!

I could escape all day long and not have to

have routine nervous breakdowns once a week

Only being stoned for the first few time was

what I claimed as sth I would do for the rest of my life

And I would practically do anything

to ensure my supply of the fantastic weed

Trevor was a guy I hated

but resorted to becoming friends with

because he was the only person I could get pot from

He was the kingpin

Trevor, Ace, John and Derren

All white-trash, lowlife scums of the earth

according to the jocks

had been going to this girl's house after school

and they invited me

We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in

It wasn't obvious to me for over an hour

that this girl seemed kind of quite

Until one of the guys pointed out that

she was in a special-ed class

I'm sure a lot of kids would call her a retard

and some just slow

And at this time, and still to this day

I would call her quiet and illiterate

but not retarded

The object of the guys

who had been going there for the past month

was to steal booze

from the downstairs basement den of her house

While others distracted her

by opening covers and doors

and returned to eat all the food

One would go down and take a fifth

and then exit out the downstairs

So we'd do this routine every other day

and got away with it for, oh, about a month

And during that month it happened to be

the epitome of my mental abuse from my mother

It turned out that pot didn't help me escape

my troubles too well anymore

and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things

like stealing booze and busting store windows and-

And nothing ever mattered

I decided within the next month

I'll not sit on the roof and think about jumping

But I'll actually kill myself

And I wasn't going out from this world

without actually knowing what it was like to get laid

So one day after school

I went to the girl's house alone and invited myself in

and she offered me some twinkies

And I sat on her lap and I said

“Let's ****”

And I touched her t*ts and she went into her bedroom

and got undressed in front of me

And I watched and realised that

it was actually happening

So I tried to **** her but didn't know how

and I asked her if she had ever done this before

And she said “A lot of times”

It's mainly with her cousin

I got groseed out very heavily

with how her vagi** smelled and her sweat reeked

So I left

My conscience grew to where

I couldn't go to school for a week

and when I went back

I got in-house suspension for skipping

And that day

the girl's father came in and screaming

and accusing someone of

taking advantage of his daughter

And so during lunch, a rumour started

and by the next day

Everyone was waiting for me to

yell and cuss and spit at me

(and)callin' me “the retard-****er”

I coudn't handle the ridicule

So I got high and drunk

and walked down to the train tracks and laid down

And put two big pieces of cement

on my chest and legs

and I waited for the eleven o'clock train

And the train came closer and closer and closer

And it went on the next track besides me

insted of over me

The tension from school had an effect on me

and so I coudn't attend the school anymore

And the train scared me enough to rehabilitate myself

and my…My lifting weights an-and mathematics

seemed to be improving so I became less manically depressed

But still haven't had any freinds

because I…I hate everyone…

for they were so phoney