Lesley

Look

They say the universe, it works in a strange way

And it must be true because,

We ain't from the same background or same place

But me and Lesley ended up on that same train

I'm talking everyday, I used to wake up around seven or eight

To catch the 9:06 from Norbury Station

Two different worlds in the same location and-

One day we ended up speaking

And I would talk about college, she would talk about meetings

And how she's planning on leaving

How she hates what she does but she needs it

I asked her what she was doing, it's the weekend

And she said, she said

I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more

She used to be the life of the party for true

And now she going out hardly ever

Her man got her in the yard forever

And her friends wanna help but it's hard to tell her

Hard to let her know that her man's possessive and aggressive

And she can't even see it,

But for them it's clear as day, she's in a situation

Her friend Hannah had a man that was manipulative

So, she could see it from a mile off

Turtleneck jumpers, makeup around the eye spots

All the signs were there

But Lesley made it seem a light affair

Said it wasn't right to share

Her boyfriend, he was a mystery man

I didn't know much about him, but he's been in the can

Name's Jason, he's a bad boy with no reasoning

To be honest, I don't know what Les' sees in him

'Cause she's a good girl with a sweet heart

But they've both got demons and a deep past

You know opposites attract, apparently

I never heard her talk about her family ever, uh-uh

He was all that she had

Until they had an argument and he stopped calling her back

And I don't know if there was more to the story than that

'Cause she plays things down but according to that

He went missing one day in the morning he ran

She's doing overtime, struggling affording the flat

'Til she, lost her job it ****** all of her plans

Couldn't pay the rent, borrowing and calling for cash

But Hannah she was there for her, cared for her

When I saw Les' she told me

I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more

Les' saying, "I got nothing to live for

It's been raw, but David, I ain't never been this poor

There's no income, my boyfriend left me

So how the **** am I going to survive when this kid's born?"

I said, "It's a blessing as mad as it is

And Les', I never even knew that you were having a kid"

Bro, she's four months pregnant, young and neglected

Single but I don't think she wants to accept it

So she's still texting exes trying to get this

Back on track but I don't think that she gets it

It's emotional obsession, clinical depression

Life is a lesson

And you ain't got to sit and cry

And Lesley, living in this gift called life

There's no better gift than the gift of life

So, can you handle it?

I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more

But that changed her perspective

Late in December, her baby's expected to drop

She's accepted, excited, electric, pumped

Only got to wait a few months

Her and Hannah had lunch

Told her she's pregnant

And they're the closest of bredrins

So she didn't stunt to tell her, I think that it's an error

You ain't a mum for a day, you're a mum forever

Whatever, and you and Jason break up whenever

If I'm honest that's something you should have done together

She doesn't know that her and Jason are going out again

And Jason doesn't know that Lesley's carrying a child for them

She had daydreams of settling down with Jason,

Better 'cause now they're together it's wild

Feeling like she needs to call her friends

And tell 'em 'cause while she's letting him down

But most of them are never around

She calls Hannah the next day

Still tryna figure out the best way to tell her

That she's getting back together with an ex-flame

So she left her a voicemail

Like "Yo Hannah, it's Les' can you call me back?

I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that

I've been feeling like I need to get my aura back

I used to be so ******* confident

But these days, I swear that-"

I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more

It's 3:30 Lesley was meant to get a scan

But today I think she's going home early

Tryna talk to Jason, tell him 'bout the kid

Addressing any reservations

Have that conversation

Middle of the summer and it's raining

Waiting at the train station

Hella cancellations

So she gets a taxi, sitting in a backseat

Blue jean jacket and a maxi

Actually, tired and her legs are aching

Touched the destination

Way faster than the cab driver's estimation

She put the key in the door

She, couldn't believe what she see on the floor

Some size five trainers, raging

Tears in her eyes, but it's cool

'Cause they must be the neighbors

And Jason's in the bedroom fully naked

Lesley running up the stairs but she's making noise

And she can hear Jason's voice

Saying "Hide in the closet"

But he's made his choice

So, she bursts in saying

"What kind of person would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend?"

Jason, saying "What the ****,

You're pregnant? What the ****?

You weren't even gonna tell me, I mean what the ****?

What do you want from us?

Nah, you ain't in love, you just wanna love"

Lesley telling Jason, "I don't wanna love

I don't want a you and I, I don't want an us

And also, I don't wanna talk loads

One more line before I dash like Morse code"

Open the wardrobe

And Jason's on the edge

"I just wanna see if she was prettier than me, slimmer than me

Maybe your baby's similar to me

Maybe you wanted someone thicker than me, fitter than me

To satisfy you quicker than me

I got your baby in my stomach and you did this to me

What did I ever do to you for you to finish with me?

I didn't believe my girls but they were thinking of me

And give it to me, the wardrobe, give me the key"

I was pulling up the door but Jason's bigger than me

Literally, I remember viscerally

Jason pulling from behind me now he's gripping on me

White flashes, eye gashes, when he's hitting me, see

I just wanted to disappear I wasn't living for me

Physically I shut the ******* doors quick as can be

He's outside asking why I made him do what he did

Using a kick to open up the room that I'm in

I'm feeling afraid, barricaded, with a chair in the handle

I'm hearing sirens but I just wanna run away but I can't

Jason's gone by the time police are comin'

They saw that ain't no one else in the house

And feds are running through the door shouting

"'We have reports of an argument with a woman'

There's blood all over the floor

And it's splattered onto the wall

Les-ley's on the bed and she's tryna speak to the feds

She's deep in the stress and his meter's above her head

If anything, she couldn't even say anything

But she's got this really sharp pain where her belly is

So, they call an ambulance, Lesley didn't plan for this

Police are in the room tryna find the missing piece of the puzzle

Until they stumble on something that's kind of random

It's a phone in the wardrobe

They had five missed phone calls from Jason

And also a couple other numbers

So they thinking that it's no help

Until they play the voicemail like

"Yo Hannah, it's Les' can you call me back?

I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that

I've been feeling like I need to get my aura back

I used to be so ******* confident

But these days, I swear that-"

I don't know myself

I don't know myself no more

She felt sick to her stomach, she started panicking

Mind rattling, tryna understand what Hannah did

Battling the shame 'cause the situation embarrassing

She's tryna fathom it betrayed by her own garrison

Meanwhile, she's on the bed tryna manage this

Piercing pain in the stomach, she couldn't handle it

Now she's waiting for an ambulance

Look

And I know she's strong, but when I heard about

What happened I was over-shocked

Her nose was gone, her jaw line shattered and rocked

They said her baby was the reason she was holding on

She dozing off, doctors getting no response

Her heart rate slowing down and they don't know what's wrong

Picked her up, got her out the home

And onto the stretcher for good measures but she fading out, oh

She took damage to the brain

And now she's in a coma as we speak

But I ain't sure if she can make it out

You see this time that I'm taking out

To tell you the story is more than a song or track

It's a message to a woman with a toxic man

I'm begging you to get support if you're lost or trapped

I understand that I can never understand

And I ain't saying that it's easy but it must be right

Some of your sisters, aunties, mums or wives

Are ****** aside and they will never touch on why

I'm touched 'cause I've seen women that I love though like-

Cry little red tears through a bloodshot eye

This ****'s awful, no matter what culture it ain't normal

Men try and twist it, make it seem like it's your fault

In that train full of people that you're taking

How many Lesleys are running from their Jasons?

Angel without wings

Like the day without the night to bring her peace

A song without a voice

A spark without a flame

A child without a name

Oh, it's just wrong

Like an ocean without a shore

A soldier without a war

How can we do this anymore?

A song without a voice

A spark without a flame

A child without a name

Oh, it's just wrong

Well, we've made a massive amount of progress

In this last year, haven't we?

Feels like a long journey

And I must say it's been a pleasure,

To watch you mature and grow in thought

And in your career and life

You've opened up immensely

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss these sessions

But you know, you can never stop learning about yourself

So you're always welcome

I'm just happy you're at a place now

Where you feel you understand your emotions

And are in control