16 Tons

00:00.00]English as a Crazy Language

00:10.28]Let ’s face it —English is a crazy language.

00:16.73]There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

00:21.43]neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

00:24.71]English muffins weren ’t invented in England or French fries in France.

00:30.41]Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,which aren ’t sweet,are meat.

00:36.97]We take English for granted.

00:39.81]But if we explore its paradoxes,

00:42.43]we find that quicksand can work slowly,

00:45.61]boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

00:52.39]If the plural of tooth is teeth,

00:55.89]why isn ’t the plural of booth beeth?

00:59.98]One goose,two geese.

01:02.61]So one moose,two meese?

01:05.13]Doesn ’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,

01:11.14]that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal?

01:15.95]If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,

01:21.53]what do you call it?

01:23.28]Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum

01:29.50]for the verbally insane.

01:31.04]In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

01:36.95]Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

01:41.43]Have noses that run and feet that smell?

01:45.70]Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

01:51.50]How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

01:56.75]while a wise man and wise guy are opposite?

02:01.67]How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

02:08.56]English was invented by people,not computers,

02:12.83]and it reflects the creativity of the human race.

02:16.54]That is why,when the stars are out,they are visible,

02:20.81]but when the lights are out,they are invisible.

02:24.31]And why,when I wind up my watch,I start it,

02:28.58]but when I wind up this essay,I end it.