A Summer In Ohio

I could have a mansion on the hill

I could lease a villa in Seville

But it wouldn´t be as nice as a summer in Ohio

With a gay midget named Karl playing Tevye and Porgy

I could wander Paris after dark

Take a carriage ride through Central Park

But it wouldn´t be as nice as a summer in Ohio

Where I´m sharing a room with a former stripper and her snake Wayne

I could have a satchel full of dollar bills

Cures for all the nations ills

Pills to make a lion purr

I could be in line to be the British queen

Look like I was seventeen

Still I´m certain I´d prefer to be going slowly batty

Forty miles east of Cincinnati

I could shove an ice pick in my eye

I could eat some fish from last July

But it wouldn´t be as awful as a summer in Ohio

Without cable hot water Vietnamese food or you

I saw your book at a Border´s in Kentucky

Under a sign that said New and Recommended

I stole a look at your picture on the inside sleeve

And then I couldn´t leave

Richard who was with me got uncharacteristically quiet

And he said All things considered

I guess you don´t have to buy it

So I smile like Mona Lisa and I lay my Visa down

He wants me he wants me but he ain´t gonna get me

I´ve found my guiding light I tell the stars each night

Look at me look at him

Son of a ***** I guess I´m doing something right

I finally got something right

No it´s not Nirvana but it´s on the way

I play Anita at the matinee

Then I´ll get on my knees and pray I can state in my next bio

I´m never gonna go back to Ohio

I could chew on tin foil for a spell

I could get a root canal in hell

But it wouldn´t be as swell as this summer is gonna be

´Cause the torture is just exquisite

While I´m waiting for you to visit

So hurry up schmuck get unstuck and get on the scene

Love

The midget the stripper Wayne the snake and Mrs. Jamie Wellerstein

That´s me