Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2007, wear sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists

Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable

Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind

You will never understand the power

And the beauty of your youth until they've faded

But trust me, in twenty years

You will look back at photos of yourself

And recall in a way you can't grasp now

How much possibility lay before you

And how fabulous you really looked

You are not as fat as you imagine

Don't worry about the future or worry that know that worrying

Is as affective as trying to solve an algebra equation

By chewing bubble gum

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things

That never crossed your worried mind

The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday

Do one thing every day that scares you, sing

Don't be reckless with other peoples' hearts

Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours, floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind

The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements, stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life

The most interesting people

I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives

Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to knees, you'll miss them when they're gone

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the "Funky Chicken"

On your 75th wedding anniversary

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much

Or berate yourself either

Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can

Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own, dance

Even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room

Read the directions even if you don't follow them

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good

Be nice to your siblings, they are your best link to your past

And the people most likely to stick with you in the future

Understand that friends come and go

But a precious few, who should hold on

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle

For as the older you get, the more you need the people

You knew when you were young

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard

Live in northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft

Travel, accept certain inalienable truths

Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old

And when you do, you'll fanaticise that when you were young

Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble

And children respected their elders

Respect your elders, don't expect anyone else to support you

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse

But you'll never know when either one will run out

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're forty

It will look eighty-five

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of

Wishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off

Painting over the ugly parts and recycling for more than it's worth

But trust me on the sunscreen