歌词
But I don't believe in ghosts or anything
但我是不信鬼神什么的
I know that you are gone and that I'm carrying some version of you around
我知道你已经不在,也知道以某种方式我还将你留在身边
Some untrustworthy old description in my memories
某种我记忆中不可信赖的对过去的描述
And that must be your ghost taking form
那一定是你的鬼魂在成形吧
Created every moment by me dreaming you so
我这样梦见你的每时每刻,你便这样出现
And is it my job now to hold whatever's left of you for all time?
是否我现在的任务就是永永远远贮存任何你所遗留下来的
And to reenact you for our daughter's life?
为我们的女儿将你重现
I do remember
我的确记得
When I was a kid and realized that life ends and is just over
在我还小时意识到人生会结束,一了百了
That a point comes where we no longer get to say or do anything
我们再也什么都说不了什么也做不成
And then what? I guess just forgotten
那然后呢?我想就是被遗忘吧
And I said to my mom that I hoped to do something important with my life
于是我对我妈说,我希望我人生能做成件什么重要的事儿
Not be famous, but just remembered a little more
也不是成名,但要更能被人记住点儿
To echo beyond my actual end
在我实际的终结之后能有回响
My mom laughed at this kid trying to wriggle his way out of mortality
我妈笑了笑这个小孩儿,笑他想要扭着摆脱生命的有限
Of the final inescapable feral scream
摆脱临终那必然的野兽叫嚎
But I held that hope and grew up wondering what dying means
但我一直这样希望着,一边长大一边想着死去的意义
Unsatisfied, ambitious and squirming
没有满足、野心勃勃、扭动挣扎的我
The first dead body I ever saw in real life was my great-grandfather's
我现实生活中看到的第一具尸体是我曾祖父的
Embalmed in a casket in Everett in a room by the freeway
在埃弗雷特一个挨着高速公路的房间,他在棺木里,做了防腐处理
Where they talked me into reading a thing from the Bible
我被他们撺掇着念了一件圣经里的事
About walking through a valley in the shadow of death
讲到“行过死荫的幽谷”
But I didn't understand the words
但我当时没懂什么意思
I thought of actually walking through a valley and a shadow
我想着是实实在在地去山谷、阴影里走
With a backpack and a tent
带着背包和帐篷
But that dead body next to me spoke clear and metaphor-free
但我身旁的尸体说明一切,清晰明了,不饰修辞
In December 2001
在2001年的12月
After having spent the summer and fall traveling mostly alone around
在那之前的夏秋两季我几乎都是一个人在国内四处游历
The country that was spiraling into war and mania, little flags were everywhere
这个国家逐渐陷入战争和狂热,小小旗帜遍地皆是
I was living on the periphery as a twenty-three-year-old
我当时住在边界,是二十三岁的样子
Wrapped up in doing what I wanted and it was music and painting on newsprint
随心所欲,做音乐、在白报纸上画油画、
And eating all the fruit from the tree like Tarzan or Walt Whitman, voracious, devouring life, singing my song
像泰山或者是沃尔特·惠特曼一样把树上结的果子全吃光、贪婪、吞噬生命、唱自己的歌曲、
Sleeping in yards without asking permission
睡在院子里,不需谁来同意
But that December I was shaken by a pregnancy scare
然而在那个十二月,有后代的担忧令我恐慌不堪
From someone that I'd been with for only one night
我和她只有过一夜
Many states away, who I hadn't planned to keep knowing
在离现在好几个州的地方,我之前也没打算和她保持联系
A young and embarrassing over-confident animal night
一个年轻、尴尬、过度自信、像动物般的夜晚
The terror of the idea of fatherhood at twenty-three destroyed my foundation
想到二十三岁便做父亲的恐惧动摇了我的根本
And left me freaked out and wandering around
我惊慌失措,四处游荡
Mourning the independence and solitude that defined me then
哀悼独立和孤独我那时的支柱
Though my life is a galaxy of subtleties
尽管微妙细节铺满我的宇宙
My complex intentions and aspirations do not matter at all
但实际的时间流淌,摧毁一切
In the face of the crushing flow of actual time
在其面前我复杂的意向和理想不存在任何意义
I saw my ancestors as sad and misunderstood
我看到我的先辈们悲伤而被误解
In the same way that my descendants will squint back through a fog
一如我的后辈们在迷雾里眯着眼
Trying to see some polluted version of all I meant to be in life
想要看到我对人生所求的污染过的版本
Their recollections pruned by the accidents of time
他们的回忆被时间的意外所修剪
What got thrown away and what gets talked about at night
哪些被丢弃,哪些会被夜间谈论
But she had her period eventually and I went back to being twenty-three
但最后她经期来了,我就继续去当二十三岁
Eleven years later I was traveling alone again
十一年后,我又独自上路
On an airplane from New Zealand to Perth, Western Australia
从新西兰到澳大利亚西部的珀斯的航班
Very alone, so far away from you and the home that we had made
举目无亲,离你离我们的家那么远那么远
I watched a movie on the plane about Jack Kerouac
我在飞机上看了部讲杰克·凯鲁亚克的电影
A documentary going deeper than the usual congratulations
是部纪录片,比通常会有的祝词来得更深
They interviewed his daughter, Jan Kerouac, and she tore through the history
采访的是他的女儿,简·凯鲁亚克。她颠覆了历史
She told about this deadbeat drinking, watching Three Stooges on TV
她说这个失职的父亲酗酒、在电视上看《三个臭皮匠》、
Not acknowledging his paternity, abandoning the child
逃避父亲身份、遗弃小孩、
Taking cowardly refuge in his self-mythology
懦弱地在自我神话里寻求庇护
And when she spoke I heard your voice telling me about the adults who had
在她说话时,我听见你的声音,对我说起你的大人
Abandoned you as a sweet kid and left you to grow precariously
在你还是个可爱的小孩便抛弃了你,留你一人谨小慎微地长大
And when she spoke I looked in her face and saw you looking back at me
在她说话时,我盯着她的脸便看到你回望着我
On a tiny airplane seat screen at the bottom of the world
在世界最下方,在小小的飞机座椅屏幕上
I saw a French-Canadian resemblance
我看到法裔加拿大人的相似长相
And I heard suffering echoing
我听到痛苦在回响
A lineage of bad parents and strong daughters withstanding
糟糕的家长和坚强的女儿之间的血脉如出一辙
And she had black hair and freckles and pale skin just like you
她有着黑发、雀斑、苍白的皮肤,就和你一样
And she told the hard truth and slayed the gods just like you
她说出残酷的真相,屠神如瓜落,就和你一样
I saw the cracks in the façade of posterity
我看到子孙后代表象的裂痕
I missed you so I went home
我想你了所以我便回家了
The second dead body I ever saw was you, Geneviève
我这辈子看到的第二具尸体便是你的,吉纳维芙
When I watched you turn from alive to dead right here in our house
我就是在我们的房子里、在这儿,看着你由生到死
And I looked around the room and asked “Are you here?”
我环顾房间,问:“你在吗?”
And you weren't, and you are not here. I sing to you though
你不在,现在也不在,不过我倒是会对着你唱歌
I keep you breathing through my lungs
我以我的肺供着你呼吸
In a constant uncomfortable stream of memories trailing out
伴着不适的回忆持续不断汇成溪流蔓延
Until I am dead too
直到我也死去
And then eventually the people who remember me will also die
再之后,最终记得我的人也会死去
Containing what it was like to stand in the same air with me
记得和我站在同一片空气里的感受
And breathe and wonder why
呼吸着,想着为什么
And then distortion
之后就是扭曲
And then the silence of space
之后就是空间的寂静
The Night Palace
《夜宫》
The ocean blurring
海洋模糊一片
But in my tears right now
但在我眼含泪水之际
Light gleams
有光闪烁
专辑信息