Cleaning Out My Closet

歌词
Now, this might get a little personal
这可能有一点私密
Or a lot actually Parental discretion is advised
应该是很私密吧 呵 父母的决定总是明智的
When I was 10, shit, I believed I could fly
我10岁时 我相信我可以飞
I would just flap my fucking arms and meet with the sky
我会朝着天空 张开双臂
And in my mind I would invision I was speaking with God
假想我正同上帝对话
And then I chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine
然后我砍下他的拳头 揍他
But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my mind
这只是我脑海里这场战争的一小部分
So I'm a take you fuckers back into the vortex of time
我要将你们这些混蛋拖回时间的漩涡
When I was 7 invision me at the bottom of stairs
想象一下 七岁的我呆在楼梯下
And I silently swear that this is the truth no falacy here
我发誓这是事实 绝没半句谎话
See I was young man... I was just a toddler a kid
我当时很小 只是一个幼儿
And he wasn't the first to successfully try what he did
况且他不是第一个成功尝试他所做的事的人
He took me to the basement and after the lights would be cut
他把我带到地下室然后关了灯
He whipped it out in sight of my eyes and forced his cock through my gut
他在我眼前脱下kk然后***(自行脑补)
See it was weird because I felt that I was losing my mind
这很诡异 我感觉我已失去理智
And then it happened like it happened like milions of times
然后就这样发生了 好像这已发生过千千万万次
And I would swear that I would tell but then they'd think I was lying
我发誓我有说出这件事 但是别人都认为我在说谎
And now the power that he held was like a beacon in mine
他做的一切已在我心里留下了阴影
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
所以现在我已习惯 一直忍受着
And now my hate was so Vocanicly eruptive and shit
憎恨在我心里疯长
But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend what he do
但这还不是最糟糕的 我猜他告诉了他朋友他所做的一切
And they ate it up shit I was like a buffet for 2
但他们却帮他隐瞒 我就像一份双人自助餐(供他们无限享用)
And then it happened then at home where everybody fucking knew
后来又发生了这种事 此后家里人都知道了
And they ain't do shit but fucking blame it on youth
但他们什么也没做只怪是年少轻狂
I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you
我很抱歉mom 但我以前真的一直责怪你
But even you by then wouldn't know what to do
但我知道那时候你也无能为力
And now it happened so often that he was getting particular
后来这种事频频发生 他都把这当理所当然了
And I more scared every time I worked in my speed and ventricular
一次又一次 我越来越害怕 但我会(尽量配合)让这尽快结束
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
一天晚上 我正在睡觉时他来我家
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs
他爬到我身上然后。。。
He told me
他告诉我
"Hey ray, I see you like them popsicle sticks
嘿ray 我知道你喜欢吃雪条
So put your mouth on my dick and suck and swallow the spit"***(
自行脑补画面)
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said
我很困惑也很害怕 所以我按他说的做了
I had no idea the affect it would have on my head
我压根不知道这回在我脑海里挥之不去
My heart was pumping it was stumping with like tons of my fear
我的心带着万吨恐惧一直跳
Imagine being 7 seeing cum in yo underwear
想想七岁时 你在你内衣上看到精液
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt
我知道这很恶心 有时我的pp甚至会流血
Disgusting right, now let that feeling ring through your guts
很恶心 是吗? 现在让那种感受在你肠子里游荡
I thought of offing myself I thought of killing these niggas
我想过封闭自己 我想杀了那些渣男
Wanted to take a fucking brick and push their teeth through their liver
想拿砖头把他们牙齿推到肝里(表示不清楚这种死法)
Wanted to smash like the fucking world and burn it's leftover part
想要烧毁这个世界
Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart
想要唤醒自己早已麻木的心
Then I grew up and I wasn't within a reach of these men
后来我长大了 远离了这些渣男
But that didn't keep out of motherfucking reach of my sin
但我还是无法忘记我的耻辱
And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come
但他们仍在我心里挥之不去
I was confused I had to prove I wasn't fucked from the jump
我不明白为何自己总想逃避抹掉这些破事
I was afraid of myself I had no love for myself
我很怕自己 讨厌自己
I tried to kill I tried to hide I tried to run from myself
我试过自杀 试过隐瞒 试过逃避自己
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was
有一段时间我很讨厌自己
So I create the other people I would try to become
我试图改变自己
Sexuality came into play and with as scarred as I was
我还是跟以前一样害怕性
I was extremely scared of men so I start liking girls
我很怕男人所以我开始喜欢女生
I started starving myself fucked up my bodily health
我开始绝食 开始自残
I didn't want to be attractive to nobody else
我不想任何人喜欢我
I didn't want the appeal wanted to stop my own growth
我不想吸引任何人 不想长大
But there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I show
我身上每道疤背后都有故事
I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
我没有童年
My mental state is out of date and that's how far as I know
我比同龄人都早熟
My biggest problem was fear what being fearful could do and
我最怕自己因恐惧而做傻事
It made me run it made me hide it made me scared of the truth
我曾因此逃避 隐瞒 无法接受事实
I'm not deranged anymore I'm not the same anymore
现在我不再精神混乱了 我已不是之前那个我了
I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before
我很理智 但是我还是很疯狂 但不是之前精神混乱的那种疯
I had to deal with my shit I had to look at my truth
我不得不处理这些破事 我不得不面对现实
To understand that to grow you gotta look at your root
要明白 如果你想成长你必须要了解自己的根(清楚了解 接受自己的过去)
I had to cut off the dead I had to make myself proud
我打消了自杀的念头 我努力让自己变成让自己骄傲的人
And I'm just standing breathing living proof look at me now
我平凡的生活着 看看现在的我
I made it through everything I made you look like a clown
我已对过去释怀 我的释怀让你显得无比可笑
I'm fucking great k fucking hate you nigga look at me now
我过得很好 但我还是很讨厌你 渣男
And I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground
我只想告诉你们天无绝人之路
The makings of a legend is often hiden in thorns
成为传奇之道总是布满荆棘
So just be strong and just move on and just accept what you can
你只需要前进 坚强点 清楚自己的实力
Because it makes your story better when you read it, the end
这会让你的人生更精彩
That's the story of every scar that I show
这就是我伤疤背后的故事
I made it out this a mean nobody's goten before
我用一种前所未有的方式讲出来
I had to open my wounds I had to bleed till I stop
然而我不得不揭开伤疤 如果我不停下来讲血流不止
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
感谢你们倾听我自爆家丑
I said I opened my wounds I had to bleed till I stop
我已揭开伤疤 只有我停止了血才会止
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
感谢你们倾听我自爆家丑
专辑信息
1.Bitch Bad
2.Gossip Folks
3.Song Cry
4.Love Of My Life
5.Doo Wop (That Thing)
6.Cleaning Out My Closet