Blackout

Yeah, I was a nice kid

Grew up with a family and like them

Always had some food on my plate and a place to bite in

But all a sudden it's like a switch flipped

Inside my head tellin' me I don't deserve ****

Man I would wake up, and then I perch into the mirror

Pick apart the imperfections on the person who'd appear

'Cuz I don't love myself or the way that I looked

I was a little fat and hated all that weight on my foot

All that weight on my shoulders. Everyday just depressed

Everyday gettin' older and everyday feelin' less

My homie's like "I can tell you got some **** on your chest

My mama drinks a little bit and said it eases the stress."

And I'm like a'ight

We walked to his crib and we stole the bottle

I started feelin' nervous but drank it then felt hollow

He dapped me up and said "My mom's about to be back

But there's some more inside the liquor cabinet

We can drink tomorrow

I'm like "Yeah, yeah homie. Don't worry it's cool

I gotta go to bed early so I wake up for school

But after that we gonna dabble in the greatness of booze."

Then boom I blacked out

I didn't wake up till noon

Alarm ringing the bell

My mom's ringing my cell

She's pissed off 'cuz she heard that I've been drinking myself

But she don't understand that deep inside I'm drinking for help

I said "**** it, I'm leaving. I don't need you to yell"

I packed my bags up then crashed with a couple of friends

Couple months have went by and still the buzzin' won't end

I think I'm more sad now then I ever have been

I need some stronger medication, so I called up a friend

I said "Listen homie, all that drinking **** ain't working man

Give me something else

He like "Chill I got the percocets

I'm getting more tomorrow if you like it you can buy them next.

I said "Deal." Met in person then I tried the ****

Within the hour I'm loving the new thrill

Hit my friend back and said "Could you cut me a new deal?

I need all of the blue pills the **** is just too ill."

I'm confused 'cuz his mood was prudent and too thrilled

He was happy, that I been strugglin' loss

'Cuz he knew that in the end and it could double his guap

Where my struggle would begin, then his struggle would stop

But I still bought all of his product when we linked at the spot

So fast forward a few weeks, I'm addicted to drugs

Somehow my momma found out and pulled me back from the thugs

Moved me back into her crib and tried to show me her love

But I was numb and only interested in gettin' a buzz

And it's ****** up, 'cuz she was only tryna be nice

I didn't listen. ****, I left and I stayed out for the night

Man I went clubbin' with my homies that were down for the lines

Then went home the next day to make a mountain of lies

**** I woke up around 3, heard a knock at the door

Then these voices started talkin', **** I heard 'em before

I couldn't put my finger on it so I had to explore

But on the table was the bottle that I left in my drawer

****

My mom found it, turned around to see the family

They all lookin' down at me and they ain't lookin' happily

That's when I realized what the **** this is

Y'all are here to try to take away my substances

My mom reached forward then grabbed the bottle of the countertop

She looked at me and said "Chase, this has to stop."

I lashed out and said "It stops when I decide it will."

I grabbed the bottle from her hand, do not deny the pills

And I ran up to my room

Grabbed the gun that I had hidden and a couple of blues

Crushed the tablets on the table hit a couple of snoots

And put the clip inside the gun load it back and then

I see my family walking up to me

I wish that I could say I'm sorry for this *******

I never meant to hurt you

But I was hurt and had to ******* leave

It's almost like they heard me ******* say it cause they hugging me

Oh mama you can't shake me awake

Stop trying, I'm gone let it enter your brain

Your hearts gonna break, had every ******* thought on my face

But let you learn from my lesson so you don't make the mistake

Just tell my story and let them know that I'm sorry

I used to love the thought of death but now the reapers upon me

And **** I'm scared

Save me mom I'm passing away

I wish I didn't put that bullet through the back of my brain