(This Is) A Fine Romance

A fine romance, my good fellow

You take romance, I'll take jello

You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean

At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance, with no quarrels

With no insults, and all morals

I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants

I never get the chance, this is a fine romance

A fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend this is

True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has

We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has

A fine romance, with no clinches

A fine romance, with no pinches

You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France

I haven't got a chance, my heart's not made of plastic

You're the reason I'm sarcastic 'cause this is a fine, fine romance