Food For Thought

We wanted to write something with a rather American flavor.

The trouble was to decide which flavor to choose, as always,

But one subject has given us Food For Thought.

Oh, with all the problems that face

This great and highly emergent nation,

It seems odd to us, that there should be

Only one topic of conversation:

There are thousands of little booklets

On all your bookstore shelves,

Explaining how God will not help those

Who too often help themselves.

Cheese and crackers are 120,

Coffee none, Milk is plenty,

Melon 50, no, it's 40,

Apple Pie? It says "too naughty".

Diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet,

Everyone should try it,

Faithfully apply it,

And build a great society.

All good Americans,

Before they leave their prams,

Are counting calories,

Or carbohydrate grams.

Diet for the drinking man,

The working man, the thinking man,

Every man, a shrinking man, and women too of course.

Diet on the air force plan,

The army plan, the navy plan,

If you send a postcard there's a plan

That every coastguard will endorse.

Diet, diet, diet, diet, never modify it.

How can you deny it, or say it lacks variety?

Half a cup of parsley and some sunflower seeds,

Contain all the nutrients the human body needs.

(To the tune of In the Hall of the Mountain King)

Everybody's dieting, dieting, dieting,

Isn't it exciting to lose a bit of weight?

It's a new morality in each locality,

Reach for immortality and push away your plate.

The secret is, think white fish. You can gorge until it hurts.

But just one piece of shortcake and you'll get your just desserts.

You know, I had a greedy parrot, whose life it seems was fated;

It fell into the butter, now it's poly-saturated.

Did you know that vitamins A, B, C & D,

Are poison if you bit 'em in sufficient quantity?

Vitamins are poison now? I wish they'd make their minds up.

I lived a year on orange juice, though I was doing well.

But now they tell me orange juice is fattening as...

Diet, diet, diet!

Away with all those little charts you breakfast, dine and sup with.

We're fed right up with diets and that's all that we're fed up with!

If you must be on a diet,

Kindly keep it quiet,

Or there's going to be an anti-protein march!

We'll all start a riot,

Waving banners, down with diet!

Give us fat, give us sugar,

Give us starch, Give us starch, Give us starch!

Why are the people shouting?

The people want bread, my gay lord.

Tell them not to eat cake!